Page 37 of Resisting the Temptation
Moss wasn’t at my place when I got home, but Jordy was still awake. They peppered me with questions about my night, and I was as vague as possible while still trying to be truthful.
Today, I’m spiraling. I don’t know how I’m supposed to pretend nothing happened with Ben at work, and I don’t know how to keep myself from getting attached to him when we inevitably fuck again.
Dammit. This is why you only hook up with strangers and only once,I think angrily as I pull out all the clothes from my closet to reorganize them.
I’m halfway through when Jordy knocks on my door, comes in, and sits on the bed.
“Are you going to tell me what’s got you in an organizing tizzy?” they ask, scanning my room.
I scoff. “I’m just switching out my summer clothes for fall clothes. I’m not in atizzy.”
“Mimi, you forget I’ve known you for twenty-three years, and we’ve lived together for eight of those. You’re seriously going to tell me you’re not stressing about something?”
Ugh. They only call me “Mimi” when they sense I’m in emotional distress or if they’re proud of me. Sometimes I really hate that my lifelong best friend is also a therapist. They’re too perceptive. They know too much about me and what I’m like when I’m keeping something inside for too long. Though they’re always helpful, I can’t rely solely on them for emotional support. I don’twant them to get burnt out from my issues and then hate me for it.
“I’m just overwhelmed with work. That big developer guy said his plans for the project are almost done, and it’ll be my first solo project at Rossi. I’m terrified I’m going to mess it up.” It’s only partially true. Iamnervous about Derek’s project, but I also haven’t told anyone I’m seeing Ben. I don’t want them to think less of me because I’m fucking a coworker.
Kiera probably has suspicions since she works at the club, but I don’t think she’d say anything to anyone.
Jordan narrows their hazel eyes at me. “Is that all that’s going on? Did something happen at the club last night you didn’t tell me about?”
I stop rifling through my clothes and sigh. “I don’t want you to judge me.”
They crawl off the bed to join me on the floor. “When have I ever judged you? You’ve been so supportive and haven’t judged me about anything. Let me be here for you, please.”
“I’mseeingBenandwefuckattheclub,” I rush out in one breath.
“One more time, but slower.”
“I’m seeing Ben. We fuck at the club.”
Jordy’s eyebrows practically disappear into their hairline. “You’reseeingBen? Like, in an exclusive way?”
“No. Kind of? We’re not dating, it’s just sex. He’s helping me explore my kinks and stuff.”And totally rocking my world, ruining me for anyone else.
“I don’t think I’ve seen you with the same person more than once since… well, since Trinity.”
I blanch at the sound of my ex’s name. I don’t hold any ill will towards her, but she’s not someone I actively want to think or talk about.
Jordy doesn’t know the full extent of what Trinity said to me when she ended things, no one does. I don’t need their pitying looks or reassurances that she’s wrong. I just want to move on and never experience heartbreak again.Easy peasy.
“Well, I promised myself I’d stop getting attached to people after Trinity so I wouldn’t get my heart broken. It’s worked thus far.” Kind of. There was that one girl three years ago I spent a whole night with. We talked and fucked, and by the end of it, I had to force myself to leave her hotel room while she was asleep to make a clean getaway.
Then, there was the guy I met at a party last year who didn’t want to fuck until we played twenty questions. He was so freaking sweet and genuine, and it was awful to watch the hope fall from his face after we did the deed and I said I had to go. It felt like I was kicking a puppy.
“That’s why you haven’t had a serious relationship since her? Emma, you—“
“Please, JoJo. I can’t get into it. I’m trying to get my heart on the same page with my brain so we don’t get too far into this with Ben. I’ve never had to see the person I’ve hooked up with day in and day out, so this is just throwing me for a loop.”
Jordan frowns, seemingly unhappy with that answer. “Okay. Just know I’m here for you.”
“I know. Thank you.”
They wrap me in a hug, and my stomach bubbles with guilt over not being totally honest with them.But at the same time, how can I? I don’t need to be a burden for Jordan to carry. They have enough going on. Working exclusively with LGBTQ+ youth—mostly trans kids—takes a lot out of them emotionally. They’re a key-note speaker for an upcoming convention, too. They need to focus on that, not my drama.
They leave me to finish my organizing, so I put on my headphones and blast my “Bad Bitch” playlist. No love songs allowed.
Everything is going to be just fine so long as I can pretend nothing’s changed between me and Ben.
