Page 75 of Resisting the Temptation
I don’t want to lean on Ben because when our agreement ends, I’ll have to deal with it alone. When another tragedy inevitably happens in my life, I won’t have him to rely on to help keep me steady.
Besides, having him meet my family soundsserious. I haven’t brought anyone I’ve dated back to meet myfamily because they’re so judgmental and rude. Their opinion on who I’m dating doesn’t matter to me, so why would I subject them or myself to unnecessary ridicule.
Ben taps my forehead gently. “I can feel you thinking. Tell me why you don’t want me to come.”
“Because we aren’t together. Because my family is… a lot, and I don’t want to field questions about who you are. Because you have to work, and you shouldn’t be burdened with taxiing me around and dealing with me because I cry a lot when I’m sad.”
Ben frowns. “Okay, one thing at a time. First, we cansaywe’re dating even if we aren’t.”
I scoff, “We can’t do that. Hannah already used the fake dating trope.”
Ben’s frown deepens. “I don’t know what that means.”
Of course he wouldn’t know what it means.
I wave him off. “Never mind. I haven’t brought someone to ‘meet the parents’ since high school, so they’d already be suspicious. Especially since I never told my mom I was dating someone in the first place.”
He shrugs. “Just tell her it was casual, so you didn’t want to say anything. But now we’re serious, and you needed me to come hold your hand through this.”
“I can’t tell her that either. She can’t know how much I’m hurting right now.”
“Why the hell not? Your grandpa passed away,Dulzura.That’s something to be sad over.”
I don’t know how to explain this to someone who hasn’t left the church, but I guess I have to try.
“I left my lifelong religion when I was eighteen. Growing up, I was taught if I left the church, I’d nevertruly be happy, and that’s what my family believes. I can’t let on if I’m miserable because they’ll use it against me to prove I made the wrong choice. So happy is all I can be. If she finds out I’m distraught over Grandpa dying, she’ll say I need to come back to church so I can see him again in the afterlife. She did it when my brother died. She used his death to manipulate me.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ben speechless, but he’s staring at me like what I’m saying is preposterous.
Itispreposterous.
“How—whywould a parent treat their child that way?” he mumbles more to himself than to me, but I still hear it.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I learned at a young age any negative feelings I had would be attributed to not being faithful enough. When in reality, I’ve been severely depressed my whole life. I saw a therapist when I left the church, and she told me I’ve had clinical depression and anxiety—along with my neurodivergence—my whole life. I’ve gotten really good at pretending it doesn’t exist, and medication helps, but sometimes it’s not as easy to put on the mask.”
“Your parents never helped? They never saw the signs?”
“They did, but they thought it could all be fixed if I were more righteous.” I want to move on from this depressing topic, so I continue, “Anyway, what’s second?”
Ben blinks, then scrubs a hand over his face like he’s trying to keep the words in his mouth. “My dad already gave me the week off. He didn’t feel comfortable with you going alone either.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,oh.And the third thing. The one about me being ‘burdened’ by you.” He uses air quotes around burdened. “It’s not a burden to help you carry the weight of your emotions, Emma. Whoever told you that in the past clearly wasn’t strong enough to do it—but I am. It’s also not a burden to spend time with you. In fact, I think this could be fun. I can help you take your mind off of the sadness, even if it’s only for a little while.”
“But why would you want to?” I blurt out.
Ben steps closer again and cups my face. “Because you deserve it. Because I want to spend more time with you. I want to be here for you, Emma. Please let me.”
His espresso eyes look so sincere. He sounds so genuine, I don’t have a choice. “Okay. But we’re sleeping in separate hotel rooms.”
He chuckles condescendingly. “Not a chance,Dulzura.You snuck out on me once already; I’m not going to let you do it again.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t sneak out if you’re my ride.”
He raises an eyebrow.
Oh, right. I already did that.
