Page 79 of Resisting the Temptation
“You don’t even know the whole story,” I argue weakly.
I saw a trauma therapist after I graduated high school, and she helped me realize what happened wasn’t my fault, but it took a long time. Sometimes, when I have to tell people the story, doubts creep in, and I start thinking maybe itwasmy fault. That if I had been smarter or less trusting, none of it would have happened.
“I don’t need to know the longer version. I know your family was in the wrong for how they treated you. I’m sure there’s more, so we can circle back later if you want to tell me the whole story, but just know I don’t think any part of what happened was your fault.”
“I—okay.” I take a deep breath. “After, things were… not great, but tolerable when I moved in with Jordan’s family after graduation. I didn’t see my family much. I had a boyfriend, a job, I was taking online classes, and Jordan’s parents were talking about moving to California. I was considering moving in with my boyfriend.
“Then, four days after New Year’s, my mom called me at six in the morning while I was getting ready for work. She told me Andy was missing, and I needed to come home to be with the family so they could search for him. Apparently, he had been missing for a few days.” My tone turns bitter every time I say it because no one even thought to tell me he was missing until it was too late.
“The police wouldn’t do anything since he was a grown man in his thirties. He lived with my brother Alex and his family at the time, and they were worried. They tracked him to a casino in Nevada, but one of Hailey’s high school friends saw him, and he left. So when I got to my brothers’ house, my parents and brothers went out to search. A few of them split off and decided to search an area Andy liked to go to four-wheeling.”
I hate the next part the most.
“While we were waiting to hear how the search was going, Alex’s wife checked the mail and found an envelope full of cash and a note from Andy apologizing he couldn’t give them more to help with rent. At the same time she was reading the note, Hailey’s husband calledand told her they found…” My voice breaks as tears start to stream down my cheeks. “They found his truck, still smoldering, with him inside.”
Ben curses under his breath as one large hand makes its way to my thigh. Not even caring about our rules right now, I place my hand on top of his.
“We were all distraught, but I had to hold it together and get us over to my parents’ house. I can still vividly hear my mom’s cry of pain when we pulled in the driveway. I had to get my niece from daycare because her parents weren’t in any state to do it. I was brushed aside with funeral planning. They made me feel like because I was only his half-sister, I wasn’t allowed to grieve him the same way they did.”
Ben squeezes my thigh. “That’s fucking awful. I can’t—I don’t even have words to express how fucking sorry I am. You deserve better. Was your boyfriend at the time at least a good support system?”
I bark out a laugh. “Not at all. He was upset I didn’t want to have a nerf gun fight with his siblings the night of Andy’s funeral.”
“He sounds like an asshole.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. He was an asshole. I broke up with him two months later because he was upset I was still sad about Andy’s death. I leave that part out, though.
“Did you ever find another note, or anything to help give your family closure?” Ben asks quietly.
I shake my head. “No. We can speculate the reasons—havespeculated. All of us have struggled with some sort of mental illness, but Andy was never diagnosed, so we don’t knowfor sure. We don’t even know exactly how he died—or when—because of the damage the fire did to him and his truck.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, Emma.”
I give him an appreciative smile. “Thank you.”
Chapter 38
Ben
“Sorry for dumping all of that on you in the middle of the desert with nowhere for you to run,” Emma murmurs, her fingers gently running over my knuckles. I don’t think she realizes she’s still touching me.
I like the casual touch way more than I thought I would. I was never overly affectionate with Janessa. We didn’t hold hands in the car. She never laid her feet on me while we lounged around on the couch. We didn’t hold hands while grocery shopping or sitting at the dinner table.
But I want all the casual touches with Emma.
I want everything with her.
I want tobeeverything to her.
I’m honored she trusts me enough to share things that are so personal, so raw. But I wish we weren’t in the car so I could comfort herbetter.
Ihatethat I can’t take away the pain from her past. I hate that her family treated her so poorly she’s scared to let anyone in.
Maybe I shouldn’t go to the funeral with her. If I see any of her siblings or her parents, I can’t promise I’m going to be able to keep my cool. They don’t deserve any of Emma’s time or tears.
I flip my palm over and lace our fingers together, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t apologize, honey. I’m honored you trust me enough to tell me. I just wish I could do more to help you.”
Emma gives me a sad smile and squeezes my hand back. “I appreciate it, but I don’t need help. I’ve handled it on my own for this long, and I’ll handle it when our arrangement is over.”
