Page 8 of Signed, I'm Yours!
But John McTarget is no Will Smith or Chris Hemsworth.
Now, I’m not exactly sure what to anticipate from this Special Processing And Management agent.
“Why yes, I’m Jay. In the flesh and Gucci. Thank you so much for answering my call. Would you like a coffee, John?”
It’s easy to switch from regular old Seojun into the Sinister Seomyeong hard at work supervillaining, despite my surprise.
“Oh no, that’s not necessary.” John shakes his head and adjusts on the seat, dragging the chair closer to the table. “Please, Jay, tell me. How can we help you? You mentioned something about power shortages when you’re around?”
Fine. Cut to the chase then.
I purse my lips, widen my eyes, put on the innocent boy façade I’ve perfected over the years, and lean closer to John.
“Yes, John. Can I call you John?” He nods, but I’m already continuing the spiel I have prepared. “See, I’ve always had…devices blow, go on the fritz in my hands. I just thought I was unlucky, you know? But lately…it’s worse. I will step into a building, and it will just go poof!” I open and close my hands to indicate how serious my fictional power is. “All the electrics go out.”
John nods and looks at the espresso machine whistling on the other side and I sigh.
“It’s random. I can’t control it,” I add to get back his attention. “It’s impossible to live my life normally anymore. That’s why I contacted you. I saw your ad in the paper.” Who even reads the paper anymore? No wonder it took me so long to find out they exist. “And I thought, maybe they can help. What do I have tolose?”Other than my life,of course. But I kept the last part to myself.
I don’t know why, but the more I speak, the more John watches me, and the more convinced I become that they’re behind Omma’s and Min’s disappearance.
“That’s right, Jay. SPAM can help you. We’ve helped countless others with their powers. Helped them regain control of their lives and become safer for those around them.”
Safer, huh? Is that why you took my family?To make everyone else safer?Then why didn’t you take me? That is what I want to say. What I actually say is, “Oh, that’s amazing, John. That’s what I want. I want my life back. When do we start? I’m sure we need to go to your office so you can process me…”
I let the words hang in the air, inviting him to finish my sentence, but the fucker doesn’t.
“I’m so glad you reached out. There’s no need to go to my office. Actually, it’s not allowed. But what we can do to start with is set up regular meetings so we can monitor your powers at work. What happens, when it happens, if there are any triggers, whether emotional or physical?—”
“Oh, screw that,” I breathe out. That’s gonna take too long. Time to switch tactics. “Actually, John, I know all about SPAM,” I tell him, dropping the innocent act and assuming my most serious expression. “I’m actually…an inspector. Yeah. An inspector and I need to…inspect your department. So you need to take me to your office. Now.”
John’s stance immediately changes. He arches his shoulders back and fills his lungs with air, making his chest look bigger.
Peacocking? Really?
I almost laugh, but I restrain myself.
“Inspector? We don’t have inspectors,” he says under heavily hooded lids before he pushes his chair back. “I don’t know who you are or who you think you are, but…goodbye.”
He starts walking away from me, and I rush after him. I’m not going to let him run on me that easily. Not when I’m so close.
“One more moment.” I grab him by the shoulder and step in front of him. “I can prove it to you.”
I dig my hand under my fur coat and bring out my pen, searching for something, anything to sign.
“Prove it how?” he asks when I spot just the thing.
I reach for the dirty napkin on the table next to mine and look at John. “Here is the proof you need that I am an inspector and you need to take me to your office right now.”
I sign the napkin without breaking eye contact and pass it to him.
He grimaces in confusion, but as soon as he glances at my signature, his face changes.
“Oh my…I’m so sorry, sir. I…didn’t know. Of course. I will take you to my office right away, sir. Please follow me.”
I smirk and follow him out into the street.
“I didn’t realize we even had inspectors. This is the first I’ve heard of it. I hope you can forgive me and won’t mark me down on your inspection.”
