Page 73 of Sett and his King
Sett and his son would die because of me, or we'd be stuck in a hopeless loop like inGroundhog Dayuntil we grew bitter and tired of each other and everything I'd put us through.
This was how my life was going to go. I was doomed. I'd been doomed from the day Horus had rescued me only to make me one of his men whether I wanted to or not.
I took a deep breath.
And another.
And another.
But I couldn't.
The more I tried, the harder it became until my lungs had completely seized. My airways had shut down and I wheezed, desperate for air, for freedom, for salvation, or for a merciful death. Anything was better than this mess I'd gotten myself into.
"Drew! Drew!" Sett appeared in front of me and grabbed me as I collapsed to the ground fighting for my life.
The less air I breathed, the harder my heart pounded, the tighter my throat felt. Another hopeless, vicious circle I could not escape.
"Focus on me. Look at me. Look into my eyes." Sett leaned me against a wall and pointed to his golden eyes as he patted me down.
They were so pretty, his eyes. So shiny and unique and so easy to get lost in. Not that I deserved to be lost in them. I didn't deserve them. I didn't deserve him. Sett deserved someone who was his equal. Someone whose own body didn't turn against them just because it felt like it.
"That's it. You're doing great, Drew."
Before I knew what was going on an inhaler was shoved into my mouth and as soon as the first dose hit the back of my throat, I closed my eyes and held my breath, acting on instinct alone.
"That's it. Hold. Hold. Eight, seven, hold," Sett whispered, his voice my only anchor to reality. "Three, two, one and breathe out."
I let out a long breath and already my throat, my airways, everything inside felt steadier but I took another shot and this time, when I counted down, I stared back at Sett as he guided me.
He was so calm. So gentle. Times like these, it was hard to believe he was a god. Or maybe Horus had destroyed all my ideas of what gods should be like and Sett was the norm, not the exception. That seemed far more likely.
"And exhale," he said and my body eased as the medicine and magic took full effect all over my lungs.
"Thank you," I mumbled as my brain returned to normal function and I was able to think straight again.
"You don't need to thank me." He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles before he smiled.
"I do," I said. "You…you have no idea what's been going on in here." I pointed to my temple and swallowed.
"What's wrong, Drew? Tell me. Talk to me. You know I'm here for you."
I sighed and turned away from him. I focused on the rubbish bin across the street instead.
"It's all…it's hitting me now. What my life has been these last few years. How much uncertainty there is. I don't know what's been real and what's been fake. I just hate what he's done to me. And what I've done to people. I hate everything and I don't know how to fix it all."
I stopped before I hyperventilated again and had another asthma attack.
"It's just…everything I told myself about the situation with Horus, I don't know how much of it was real and how much was his doing. I don't know what parts are me and what aren't. Did I decide to start making the Apokryphon Elixir so he can't read my thoughts, or did he command me just to give me a false sense of security? Has Gene been free all this time, or has Horus been playing with my memories so I don't know?"
Sett took my other hand in his and brought them both to his lips, piercing me with his wonderful, gentle gaze. "No matter what, I'll be here for you to help you through it. Okay? I promise. We'll figure it out together. And we'll deal with the answers. Together."
I might have come to my senses, somewhat, but I still didn't understand what a god like him wanted with me. Why would he want me and to be with me? It made no sense.
"You're going to regret that," I said. I knew he would.
"I very much doubt that." He let go of my hands and cupped my face instead, leaning his forehead to mine and breathing into me just as I breathed into him.
I wanted to let myself go. To let myself believe there was a future with him. That we belonged together, but he had met his soulmate and lost him. It had been another god. I was just a stupid, little witch who had done terrible things.
