Page 47 of Take Me Please, Cowboy
“There was.”
“In any case, it’s over.”
Her eyes widened in distress.“Why?”
He couldn’t do this.He didn’t have the wherewithal to handle questions about Ansley.As it was, he hadn’t forgiven himself for abruptly shutting her out.He’d been ruthless, focused on survival,hissurvival, and while survival skills might be useful on a deserted island, or during a zombie apocalypse, it wasn’t a quality he admired in himself.He’d put his interests before hers and the regret was enormous.
Instead of answering his mom’s question, Rye rose.
His mother reluctantly stood, too.“I was being too nosy, wasn’t I?”she said.
He hugged her with his good arm.“You’re just being a mom, and you’re a wonderful mom.”
“Oh, Rye, I totally forgot why I came here tonight!”she exclaimed, stepping back.“Based on Josie’s admittance to the interior design program at Gallatin College, she’s been offered a paid internship with a design firm in Bozeman, which would allow her to cover some of her living expenses in Bozeman.”
Early in the summer, Josie had been forced to defer her start date at Gallatin due to the financial situation at home.It had been hard for her to wait another year, but the college administration had understood that it was a financial situation and had agreed to let her begin the following fall.“I’m surprised they’re offering her a job for next year.”
“It’s not for next year.The firm would like her to start in January, after the Christmas holidays.The company specializes in universal design and the senior vice president, who is on the board at Gallatin College, was impressed by your sister’s ideas and passion for accessibility.He believes she has something to offer now and hates that she’s had to put off school based on financial considerations—”
“It’s not as if I wanted her to wait another year,” Rye growled.
“No, of course not, and Josie understood, but if she’s able to cover her cost of living in Bozeman, I think it’d be good for her to move, especially with Hannah now in Missoula.”
Not that Ron hadn’t done his best to convince Hannah that she didn’t need a nursing degree, that Ron would take care of her, but Rye had put his foot down.Hannah needed to finish her education and then she could decide what happened next, but she’d worked too hard getting her associates degree with an eye on transferring to Missoula for her to give up on that goal.
“Won’t it be hard for you to lose both your girls at the same time?”
She shook her head.“It’s what is supposed to happen.I’d rather them be off pursuing their dreams than doing minimum-wage jobs here.”
“I agree.”
“So, you’ll drive her to Bozeman for the interview?You know she gets nervous over things like this, and I’d feel better if she wasn’t making the long drive alone.”
“But I thought she already had the job.”
“I believe they’d like to offer her the position, but they want to meet with her first.”
“I see.When do they want to talk to her?”
“Wednesday.Or is it Thursday?I forget.You’ll want to check with your sister.”
“I will.”
Rye walked her back to the house before stopping by the barn to secure it for the night.As he returned to his trailer, he thought of driving Josie to Bozeman, acutely aware that Bozeman was so close to Ansley.
Ansley.Just thinking of her flooded him with emotion and need.
But Ansley wasn’t part of the picture, not anymore, and he pushed all thoughts of her from his mind.They’d made a clean break of it—he’d made a clean break of it—and that was how it’d stay.
In bed that night, he couldn’t get comfortable.His arm throbbed, his shoulder throbbed, and the physical pain could be tolerated as it was nothing new.He’d spent years with aches and pains from his work.What he wasn’t used to was the gnawing emptiness in his chest.It was an ache that Advil wouldn’t help.It was an ache that exercise didn’t alleviate.It was an ache that caught him off guard at all hours of the day, surprising him with the intensity of the loss.
It felt like a death.He, who didn’t become attached, had fallen for her.It wasn’t an infatuation.It wasn’t a crush.It wasn’t even lust.It was so much bigger, and deeper, and he was grieving what could have been… should have been.
He missed Ansley’s voice.He missed her texts, missed the connection.Missed the warmth and her bright, fierce optimism.It had been a long time since he cared for anybody the way he cared for Ansley.He wasn’t even sure he’d ever cared for anyone as much as her.She was just sunshine and hope, and picturing her, he felt some of that sunshine within him.Since he couldn’t hold her, he’d have to hold on to that.
Rye finally slept but woke at three, shoulder and arm hurting so much that he forced himself up to get a pain killer.He washed the pills down with a glass of water and watched TV when sleep didn’t come.He wasn’t really following the program though.Bozeman was so close to Marietta, just thirty minutes’ drive.Ansley was just thirty more minutes south of Bozeman on the ranch.
It would be a dangerous, destructive madness to see her.
