Page 59 of Take Me Please, Cowboy
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, honey, because he hasn’t asked you to do it.”
“But that’s why I came.He invited me up to meet them and see his world.He wanted me to know more about him and his life, and I thought it would be fine.I thought Eureka wouldn’t be as cute as Marietta, but I’ll have Rye, and we’ll make it work.I was wrong, though.This isn’t the life I want.I don’t want to live under someone else’s roof, I don’t want to love someone and not have time alone with him.I don’t want to be second fiddle, and in this case, I’d be third or fourth fiddle.”
“Then it’s a good thing you went up there and understood his commitments.Far better to make a break now, than later.”
The idea of saying goodbye to Rye killed her.They’d been through so much and when it was just the two of them, it worked.They’d always worked.It was the rest of the stuff, the outside world and his mountain of obligations that kept them apart.“I love him.I do.But is love enough to make this work?I’m no longer sure.”
“You’re twenty-five.You’re only just exploring the world on your own terms.I don’t blame you for being overwhelmed by his situation at home.It’s a lot.And it would be a lot to take on, should you two decide to move forward together.”
“He would never forgive me if I reject his family.”
“Ansley, you’re not rejecting his family.You are being honest about the complexities in his world, and how you would fit in, as well as where you’d fit in.”
“Why do I feel like such a mean person?”
“There’s a difference between being mean and being realistic.You’ve taken off the rose-colored glasses, and you’re looking at the situation from a long-term perspective.You’ve always said someday you want a family, and now you’ve discovered Rye already has a family he’s quite involved in, a family he financially and emotionally supports.In the back of your mind, you have to be asking how does he support them and the family you would create?How does he have time for your children and all of his other responsibilities?How does he have time for everything?”Her mother paused.“And if you’re not thinking that, you should.Because as people age, they have more health issues.If his dad is unable to function without help now, he’s just going to be more dependent later.The younger sisters heading to college probably won’t ever move home, but Jasper won’t ever be independent.”
“Jasper’s situation I understand.That’s not an issue for me.”
“So, what troubles you most?Dad?Or the economic situation?”
“Both.The Calhouns’ life is hard.Financially, they’re strapped.I didn’t realize until I came here, just how much I had, and how much financial stability we had compared to others.”
“You’ve lived in a bubble.Your dad worked hard, and he’s been lucky.He went to college in Bozeman, then served in the military, leaving with excellent benefits.He’s had his health, and he’s competitive, always pushing himself to do more, and that’s a trait that comes from within.Not everyone has it, and not everyone needs to be ambitious.”
“I agree with you, but I honestly can’t imagine that this was Mrs.Calhoun’s dream.I’m sure this wasn’t the life she’d expected.I doubt she ever thought she’d have to work this hard or struggle so much.”
“I would agree with you there.”
“I feel sorry for her.Maybe that’s not the right word.But I feel for her.I can’t imagine she thought she’d have a house full of essentially disabled men.”
“Rye is not disabled.”
“No, he’s not.He’s the pillar keeping the house up.”
“His mom sounds like the foundation.”
“Yes.The girls and Jasper contribute to the stability.Even though Jasper has his struggles, he has a lot of emotional strength and that helps everyone.”
“What you’re saying is they’re all in it together.They make it work by being a family.”
Ansley fell silent.She heard what her mom was saying, and her mother was right.They’d made it work, and perhaps it was because Rye had assumed leadership, becoming the head of the family, but it didn’t sit right with Ansley.She wanted to marry a man who’d put her first, not last.
“It sounds like you have a lot to think about,” her mom said.“Which is good, because Rye hasn’t proposed.You two aren’t in a serious relationship yet.If you have doubts, now is the time to extract yourself before anyone is hurt… and before any of his family gets attached to you.”
*
Rye stood outsidethe trailer, rooted to the spot.He didn’t mean to overhear Ansley’s conversation, but the windows were open, and her voice carried.And once he was there, next to the doorstep, he froze, unable to do anything but listen.
He wished he’d never overheard any of it.
He couldn’t remember when he last felt so much shame.It was like being caught outside in your underwear.He felt embarrassed and exposed.
He understood what she was saying, and he understood why she was uncomfortable, but it didn’t make it any less painful for him.This had always been his fear, too.That his family wasn’t good enough for others.That his world would be found lacking.
When he heard her say good night to her mom, Rye finally found the presence to move, but he couldn’t return to the house.Instead, he walked across the backyard, through the side gate, to the driveway and his truck.He didn’t know where he was going to go, he just had to go somewhere, away from here.Away fromher.
It was better to know now how she felt, but it was the worst way possible to discover her thoughts.She’d been so blunt with her mom, her opinions almost brutal.
