Page 69 of Take Me Please, Cowboy
“Mom.”
“I mean it.Your sisters don’t even want to live here.Don’t bring Ansley here, don’t start your marriage like this.”
His eyes narrowed.“We do struggle, Mom, we all do.But I didn’t realize you were that unhappy here.”
“I’m neither happy nor unhappy.I’m existing.Just as Dad is existing, and Jasper is existing—correction—no, he’s happy.He’s happy because he chooses to be happy every day.He knows he has limited years and he’s determined to make the best of them, but the rest of us…” She shook her head.“We’re not living up to Jasper’s example.We just make do.We get by.Because that’s what we tell ourselves we have to do.”She regarded Rye steadily.“But we can make different choices.We aren’t obligated to be stuck, and let’s be honest, releasing you from obligations will make me happy, and that’s a pretty big deal for me.”
Rye felt as if his mom had knocked him over the head with a two by two.“What choice would you like me to make?Choose to leave you all?Choose to move somewhere else?”
“Yes.That’s right.That’s exactly what I want you to do.Put yourself first.Choose love.Choose happiness.Don’t be a martyr.Find a new place.”Her eyes locked with his.A spasm of pain tightened her features.“And if it’s possible, if we’re lucky, take us with you.Because this isn’t paradise.This doesn’t have to be our home.We all have options.”
Stunned, Rye just stared at her.“What about the property?What about the Calhouns’ legacy?”
“I wouldn’t say this to your dad, but it’s not much of a legacy.All the good land has been sold off.You have a couple acres for the horses, but there is nothing here that matters.The house has a newish roof but other than that, it’s nothing special.It’s a plain house built a hundred years ago, built for practicality, and it’s served us well, but it shouldn’t be a prison.We shouldn’t be trapped here.”
“You feel trapped?”
She hesitated, then nodded.“Sometimes, if I’m being honest.I look around the place and think, please, God, don’t let me die here.Please, God, let there be more adventure, more life, more happiness in store for me.”Her voice cracked and she glanced away, tears filling her eyes.“I shouldn’t tell you this.I don’t want to burden you—”
“It’s not a burden.You’re my mother.I’d do anything for you.”
“I know you would, but that’s not your job.I’m not one of your responsibilities.”She brushed away the tears and mustered a smile.“The bottom line is, you have options, far more options than you think.”
Rye’s chest ached with bottled air.“Why didn’t you ever say any of this before?”
“Because it didn’t matter before.You seemed happy here, or at least, content to continue.I try not to think too much.I try not to feel too much.I try not to focus on things that might not come true, but between us, I would love to do something else.I would love to try something else.I would love to think that my future won’t be exactly like the past nineteen years.I love your brother and I love your dad, but there’s not a lot of freedom.I wouldn’t mind feeling as if there were a few possibilities.Perhaps that’s selfish.Perhaps women… mothers… aren’t supposed to feel that way, but I wasn’t always a mother.I was once a girl and I had so many dreams.I was going to travel and explore the world.I was going to go to all those different wineries around the world and pitch in during the harvest season.I knew someone who was from Kelowna who did that in Germany and Australia.She went from harvest to harvest and ended up seeing the world.I wanted to do that, too.I’ve always had this thirst for adventure.But then I met your dad, and fell in love, and the rest is history.”
“You regret marrying Dad?”
“No.But I do wish he hadn’t got hurt.I wish we’d had better insurance.I regret decisions his father made.I regret that no one in the Calhoun family knew how to run a ranch and racked up decades of debt, leaving your dad to sort it out, and then you to deal with it.Now here we are, the product of generations of bad choices and I don’t want you to get trapped here, like your dad did, and his father before him.You’re tough, but that toughness also makes you inflexible, and life requires flexibility, and a willingness to adapt.Change.You have to change, Rye.You have to put you and Ansley first, and then you can help the rest of us, but if you’re not happy, none of us will ever be happy.We’re that dependent on you.”She rose and brushed a tear off her cheek.“Now, if you truly want to stay here, I can be good with that.If you are happiest here, I can be happier here.But, Rye, if you think there’s more for you somewhere else, then do what you need to do.”
*
Rye didn’t shareany of this with Ansley.It wasn’t something he wanted to discuss on the phone.Instead, he’d talk it out with her once he was in Marietta.
He drove down Friday afternoon, arriving at Bramble House late Friday night.He was meeting Ansley for breakfast in the morning at the Main Street Diner and then he’d share everything his mom had said.He couldn’t wait to see Ansley.Morning couldn’t come fast enough.
She was there at Main Street Diner when he arrived and he swept her into his good arm, lifting her off her feet.“That was the longest week,” he said, kissing her.
“I agree.At one point I wasn’t sure today would come.”
“Let’s get a table, I’ve lots to tell you.”
The hostess seated them at a window table, but neither of them were interested in anything outside.Rye took her hand, and she held it tightly, even after the waitress filled their coffee and took their order and walked away.
“I don’t know where to start,” Rye said quietly, and it was true.He didn’t know how to put everything his mother had said into words.The last time he and Ansley had been together, they’d talked about Eureka and converting his trailer into a cozy little house, and now it was all changing.“Remember how you said my mom seemed sad?”he asked.
Ansley nodded.
“You were right,” he said.“I never knew that.I didn’t realize what she was feeling.I didn’t know how trapped she felt.”
Ansley pressed his fingers.“She probably didn’t want you to know.”
“After I returned from Whitefish, it all came out.She doesn’t want to stay in Eureka.She wants to move.”
“But what about your family property?And Calhoun Roofing?”
Rye shook his head.“We’d sell it.Close it.We’d start over, start somewhere fresh.”He glanced down, feeling her platinum band on her finger.“You’ve had this sized.”
