Page 29 of Infinite as They Come
“You’ve already met Spencer,” my mom said as she threw a gentle arm over his little shoulders. “Small world, right?”
“Yeah, real small,” I said, giving Spencer a nod.
“He loved that drawing you did. The one you did on the back of that card.” Her lips trembled. “The one with your name on it. He told us about what you did. How you helped him at the park.”
“Oh, right,” I said, memories of that day flooding my mind fast. “Yeah, those kids. They were kinda in his face.”
She nodded stiffly and Spencer shifted a little in his seat. “Right. But you came along and saved the day, and then he came home with that card, and… I really thought I was seeing things when I saw your name there on the front. It took me hours just to convince myself to call you, and then when I finally did, I…” She sighed. “I’m sorry about hanging up on you like that. I guess I wasn’t ready.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “Not a big deal…”
She looked down at Spencer, her fingers tracing little patterns on his shoulder. “Spencer knows about you. I mean, I’ve talked about you to him. About him having a brother. He’s always known he had one. I never wanted to hide that from him and I suppose I was just thinking of you so much that it felt easy to talk about you too. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting you two to bump into each other the way you did…”
“Yeah,” I said. “Me either.”
She looked at Spencer who was staring at me with big eyes behind his glasses. Big, but curious. “I know you two already met, but I suppose a more formal introduction is needed. Spencer, you know about Sawyer. This… This is him. This is your brother. Half-brother.” And then her gaze landed on me. “Sawyer, this is Spencer. Your brother. Half-brother.”
Kurt moved back into the room, placing three mugs on the coffee table,but none of us reached for them. He stood there by the lounge, that warm smile from earlier still there on his face. I wondered if he was good to my mom. If he treated her well. My eyes instinctively moved to her arms, zeroing in on her pale skin. She was in a T-shirt, but I couldn’t see any bruises or cuts, but I knew how to hide my own, and I hoped she wasn’t still doing the same.
“Do you have any questions?” she asked as she glanced at Spencer.
“Where was he?” Spencer asked softly. “This whole time?”
My mom looked over at me, eyes watering for a moment. “In Dallas, remember? He was with his dad. Where… Where I used to live…”
“Oh,” Spencer said.
“And this is Holly,” my mom said, sending a smile Holly’s way. “Your brother’s girlfriend. Um, Holly, do you mind if me and Sawyer talk alone?” she asked. She placed her hands in her lap, her fingers fidgeting together. “Would that be alright?”
“Of course,” Holly said. She looked at me, eyes all wide with worry. “Are you…?”
She didn’t have to finish her sentence. I wasn’t ready and I didn’t think I ever would be, but I knew I needed to do it.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s fine.”
“You can join me and Spencer outside, Holly,” Kurt said, picking up one of the mugs. “The weather’s really nice today. I’ll bring your coffee.”
“Thank you.” Holly placed her hands on my shoulders, giving my cheek a soft kiss, her lips right by my ear. “You can do this,” she whispered. “I know you can. I meant it when I said that you’re the strongest person I know. I love you.”
I wanted to kiss her back and keep her close, but I nodded, saying thatI love you tooto her in my head, because I couldn’t really bring myself to complete a damn sentence in that moment. Holly gave me one last sweet smile over her shoulder before following Kurt and Spencer through the doorway.
“Kurt makes really good coffee,” my mom said, gesturing towards the round, brown coffee table in between us. In the center sat awhite milk jug stuffed with yellow flowers. “But if you don’t like coffee, I can get you something else. Some soda or some water. Does your girlfriend like coffee? I should have asked her. Maybe she wants a cold drink. It’s a little warm today. What about you? What do you want? I should know what drinks you like. I’m sorry, my head’s a mess right now. She probably thinks I’m so rude. She probably thinks I’m such a bad host and an awful person and a terrible mother and I’m sure you think the same thing…”
Hands flying up, she used them to cover up her face, and then she let out a choked sob that filled up the whole room. It was like every other sound faded when she did that. The light traffic outside, Holly’s gentle voice I could just barely hear as she talked to Kurt in the distance. That disappeared, and then I was left to take in that sharp noise that hit my heart, squeezing and squeezing until I ached. That was the reason for it. Why seeing Holly with glistening eyes always hurt for more than one reason. Why it tore my heart into so many pieces I couldn’t even count them. It wasn’t just because seeing my girl hurt absolutely destroyed me. No. It was like some weird biological instinct, something buried deep inside of me that I couldn’t ever get rid of.
Shoulders shaking, my mom kept her hands pressed right up against her face. I didn’t even realize I had crossed the room and closed that small gap between us until my hands were on her trembling arms. I didn’t know what else to do but hold her to me, her head on my shoulder as she let out a pained sounding cry that had me flinching.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, the words muffled, but they sounded so crystal clear in my head. “I’m so sorry for what I did. I hurt you so much. I know I did. There’s no excuse. You don’t have to forgive me. I don’t expect you to. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
“I bet you hate me. You’re allowed to hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. I promise I don’t.”
“I was so scared of him, Sawyer.”
Those words almost made me sick. They almost made me flinch a little when she pulled away from me, her lips turned into a deep frown.
