Page 32 of Infinite as They Come
“Thank you for having us,” Holly said. “It was nice meeting all of you.”
“Maybe we could see each other again soon?” my mom asked. “We could have lunch? That would be nice. Would you like to do that? Would that be okay? I would so love to see you both again.”
I could tell what she was thinking. She was worried I’d walk out the front door and never come back. What she didn’t know was that that was the last thing I wanted to do. But today? Right in that moment? I had to leave. I had to get some distance between us. I needed that breathing room.
“I’ll… I’ll let you know,” I managed to say.
Holly grasped my hand tight as my mom and Kurt guided us back through the house and the front door. They even stood outside as me and Holly jumped in the truck, standing there as we backed out and moved along the street. My eyes found the rearview mirror, and I could see my mom standing by the mailbox as Kurt wrapped an arm around her. It was like he was keeping her standing as he held her to him.
They both stayed outside as we moved down the road, their bodies getting smaller and smaller in the mirror but still close together. Eventually, I couldn’t see them at all.
Me and Holly stayed quiet on the drive back to the motel. My hand almostalways found her thigh when we were driving together, but I didn’t feel steady at all. My heart was racing and slowing down all at once as we drove before we finally pulled into the motel parking lot. Everything felt upside down. Worse than upside down. Like I wasn’t even living in reality anymore. I was supposed to be focused. Supposed to be looking for a house that me and Holly would spend forever in, and now my mind felt like it was on fire. My ears rang as we got out of the truck, went up the stairs, moved into our room, and finally sat down at the end of the bed. I was there but I wasn’t at the same time.
“Sawyer?” Holly asked, voice a tiny whisper. “Are you okay?”
“I… I don’t know,” I mumbled.
Holly pressed her hands to my shoulders and stood in front of me. “We can talk about it. Or not. Or…”
“This was supposed to be for you,” I blurted out. “This was supposed to be us celebrating you finishing college. All your hard work. All that stuff you did. And me trying to…” My hands scrubbed over my face. Me trying to get to the next chapter of our lives together. Me proving that I could be the man who would always look after her. “Me trying.”
“Trying to what?”
“It’s fucking exhausting trying all the time.”
“I know. And you do so much for me. You work so hard. I’m so lucky I have someone like you who works so hard, Sawyer. But whatever you’re feeling, you don’t have to keep it to yourself. You can talk to me. I’m here for you. I always am.”
“I don’t know what I need. I just… Her and him. My fucking brother. Christ, I knew she had moved on, but… seeing him and talking to him? Two different things. Two very, very different things. Fuck.”
Lifting my chin, I finally let my gaze settle on her face. On those eyes. Those fucking Bambi eyes. So full of worry and pain. This was all supposed to be for her and here I was having a mental breakdown.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my hands finding her hips. “This was meant to be for you. This was all meant for you, Holly.”
Her head shook wildly. “It’s okay. We can put a pause on that for now.I’m not mad about it.”
“You’re the only reason I could walk through her door,” I said. “You. You’re the reason. You get me through it all, you know that? Every last thing. I love you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Sawyer,” she said, eyes getting a little teary. “Tell me what you need.”
“I need… Fuck, I need something. I don’t know what I need. Something…”
“Do you wanna paint?” she asked softly. “Will that help?”
My head shook. I couldn’t come up with anything for the life of me. “I need… Fuck, just need to hold you for a little while.”
Hands still on her hips, I pulled her into my lap, my arms circling right around her. Holly was solid. There. She was there, always so bright and warm, always with that look in her eyes that told me everything would be okay. My fingers slid along her, moving past her waist and her back until I was cupping the back of her head, guiding her to the crook of my neck, some of that long hair getting in my mouth, but that just made me hug her tighter. That scent of her lavender shampoo hit me and all I could do was inhale it.
She was whispering out my name, the sound so soft and sweet. She was pulling me in deeper and deeper until all I could feel was her. Warm. Bright. Calm. Home. Love. So much fucking love, and Christ, I loved her right back. Minute by minute, my heart stopped racing. I could feel it, that thumping in my chest falling to a calmed rhythm, and it was Holly who was responsible for it. It was her keeping me grounded and steady.
No one else but her could do that. Just my girl.
Chapter 9
Holly
Diana Olivia Button was beautiful. Cascading red locks, big green eyes, a smile that was far too radiant. Hollywood didn’t deserve her. She was sitting in front of me at the little table by the window, the afternoon light pouring in and hitting her just right. It made her glow as she talked, all clad in a green flowy dress that made her hair stand out, topped off with a red scarf that she tossed over her shoulder.
“It’s been quite some time since somebody’s interviewed me,” she said, shooting me a grin, and then her eyes drifted over to her left. “And since someone painted me.”
