Page 41 of Infinite as They Come
“She kept them safe,” I said. “I mean, these are just copies. She said she made sure to keep the originals out of harm’s way ever since she…”
“Left,” he said.
“Yeah. Since the day she left.”
“I should have talked to her more today,” he said, eyes closing tightly for a second. “I didn’t mean to be so distant. It’s just… this whole thing has been hard. Spencer and her and Kurt. All of it. And… It’s just a lot for me.”
“You’re allowed to take things slowly, Sawyer. You can’t rush this. Take this is as slowly as you want.”
“I really couldn’t have done this without you.” He turned to me some more, his hand reaching up, long fingers brushing against the side of my face. He settled his hand against my cheek, cupping me there, his thumb tracing soft circles on my skin. “You’re the only reason I’m getting through this, Holly.”
That made my eyes flutter shut. Sawyer was stronger than he realized. I was almost certain he could manage this all without me. That every step, despite how hard it was, he could take it on. He had been doing that his whole life. Fighting for himself, doing things no one else had to do, but he got through it. He always did. And I knew he’d get through this.
Chapter 11
Sawyer
Life was punching me in the stomach over and over again lately.
I had it all planned out in my head: celebrate Holly finishing school, track down that house, move us both into it so we could spend the rest of our lives there together. It was never supposed to be some clean, over in a day thing. I knew that. I had prepared myself for that, but at the same time all I could think about was howit wasn’t supposed to be this damn hard.
My whole life I had been waiting to get my mom back into my life, but finding her had been more painful than I ever thought possible. There were too many wounds I had spent years healing, and undoing them felt like it would just end in me bleeding out. I should have talked to her the other day at the park. Should have tried to open up and be honest and share all that pain and confusion that had been building up since the day she left. Should have told her just how much I missed her.
Instead, I hung out with my brother who had a soft spot for flowers and plants and bugs that helped said flowers and plants grow. Spencer was a good kid. He was quiet and shy and a little nervous, and I had liked hanging out with him and hearing him talk about which flowers were his favorite and which ones he planned on planting next.
Kurt seemed nice enough too, but that whole time we talked all I could do was sit there and wonder,are you good to her?Do you hurt her like he used to? Are you hiding something you don’t want me to see?I liked to think I was good at reading people, that I could understand them, and I knew oneconversation with Kurt wouldn’t reveal every last thing about him, but he seemed friendly. Gentle. Not just to Spencer, not just to my mom, but to me too. It was weird to have someone like that in my life. Someone older who was good and patient and welcoming. I was glad Spencer was surrounded by that. By good people.
My head shook, grounding myself back in reality. Mandy was showing me another place. She was out the front on her phone as I made my way to the back of the house. There was a lot of space. A lot that I could do with it. But… no lemon tree. I was pretty sure Holly would roll her eyes and laugh if I told her what I was doing, that my requirements were stupid fucking specific: but that was what she wanted. What she dreamt of. And I just wanted to give her that dream.
The place was on the brink of falling apart, anyway. Broken floorboards, a chimney that looked like it’d fall on your head and kill you, a kitchen that would cost way too much to fix, and I wasn’t exactly in a position to throw money around. It just felt like another house that was a bust, and the longer I stood in the backyard, on all that dry, dead land, the more I knew it would never work.
I’d have to be getting back to the motel, anyway. I had left in the morning and Holly was probably wondering what I was up to. The last couple weeks had me distant and quiet, and I hated shutting her out, but my head was a mess. Trying to find the house, seeing my mom for the first time in far too many years, meeting Spencer. It made my brain feel too scrambled.
I said goodbye to Mandy who looked a little defeated. She shoved a bunch of papers I’d have to hide later in my hands about homes in the area I might have been interested in before promising me that she’d find that house.
It was a slow drive on my way to the motel, the window down and the breeze running through my hair as I went. I’d find it for her. The house.Ourhouse. The one we’d spend forever in, and the word forever and Holly just went hand in hand.
After almost a good hour behind the wheel, I was nearly at the motel, but that was when a small figure on the sidewalk caught my attention. That dark, messy hair and small frame. Spencer. I checked the time on the dashboard.Just after three. What kind of big brother would I be if I just let him walk home? I pulled up a few feet in front of him and rolled the window down, waiting for him to get closer before I called out his name. His head snapped over to me, his fingers tugging at the end of his T-shirt as we locked eyes. He was so small. My mom was right when she said he was little for his age.
“Sawyer?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “Hey. You walking home?”
“School just finished.”
“You… You want a ride?”
He straightened up his glasses. “I can ride in your truck?”
“Yeah, you can ride in my truck.” I reached over and opened up the door for him. “Come on, it’s too hot to be walking around today.”
He slid into the seat and shut the door, setting his bag down gently next to him. Then he rested his hands against the smooth leather, patting it softly. “Wow. Holly gave this to you?”
“She did.”
“Wow,” he said again.
“Yeah, that’s my reaction to everything she does. Buckle up, okay?” With his little hands, he followed my instructions, and soon I was back in traffic. “You were going home, right?” I asked. I remembered the way. It was kind of hard to forget.
