Page 50 of Infinite as They Come
There was some silence, and then some rustling on the end of the line, and then I heard a sigh. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“I know something’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“I can hear it in your voice.”
“A lot’s happened over the last few weeks…”
“A lot meaningwhatexactly?”
It was my turn to sigh. Elbow on the table and palm pressed to my chin, I hesitated a little. Where did I even start? “Sawyer’s mom…” was all I could manage to say.
“His mom? What do you mean? Did she…?”
My eyes closed at what he was implying, that image hitting my heart a little too hard. “No, thank God. We bumped into her. Well, we bumped into Sawyer’s brother and then that led us to his mom, and things have been a little crazy.”
“… Jeez.”
“Yeah, that about sums it up. But he’s being so strong and brave and I’m so proud of him…” My teeth bit into my bottom lip as I let my eyes fall to the window. To that empty spot in the parking lot where his truck was a few minutes ago. “I’m really lucky to be with someone like him.”
“That’s a lot, Holly. I hope he’s doing okay. Could I talk to him?”
The faintest of smiles formed from that question alone. Years ago, Sawyer never would have gotten that from my dad. That sympathy, that warmth, that offering of a helping hand. I appreciated it more than he’d ever know.
“You just missed him. I feel like I keep missing him too.” The words made me pause. “That sounds bad. He’s allowed to have some time to himself after everything. He’s entitled to that. It just feels like he’s keeping something from me.”
“Do you think he’s lying to you?”
“Sawyer’s always been honest. That’s one of my favorite things about him. He’s not a liar. I don’t want him to feel like he has to keep this all to himself. It’s so much for one person to take on their own. And he’s not on his own, but it just feels like there’s something he’s keeping to himself. I guess he’s allowed to have secrets, right? I don’t want to be that annoying nagging girlfriend who doesn’t give her boyfriend space. He deserves space, right? After everything, he deserves it. And I should give it to him. I just don’t like that wall that’s building between us. I hate how far away he feels from me right now.” I pulled in a breath. “Sorry, that was a lot. I didn’t mean to rant at you like that. It’s just the first time I’ve talked about it out loud, and I don’t want Sawyer to feel more stressed than he already is.”
“Talk to him,” he said, tone calm and gentle. “Let him know how you’re feeling.”
“It’s just the little things, you know,” I said, fingers pulling at my napkin. “I don’t want to bother him with that.”
“Little things?”
“Just… weird phone calls. Him leaving for hours and hours and not telling me what he’s doing. He’s not usually like this.”
“So, you think he’s doing something? Something he shouldn’t be?”
My eyes closed. “No. No, not Sawyer. He’s the most honest person I know. He’s not that kind of man. I’ve known him almost my whole life, and I know he’s not a liar. And I know he’s not used to being able to rely on people, but it just feels like he’s shutting me out.”
“It’s a lot for one person, huh?”
“I hate that. I hate that I can’t fix this all for him.”
He hummed. “He’s still trying to figure it all out. Give him time, Holly. Give him space, but don’t let all that space between you two grow into something bigger. Talk to him.”
“He’s already dealing with so much.”
“He can’t read your mind, sweetheart.”
I couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at that. “Sometimes it feels like he can.”
My eyes found the window again, locking on to the blue sky that stretched on forever. Sawyer was chasing something. I just wish I knew what it was.
