Page 64 of Infinite as They Come
“I talked to Clara,” I said, changing the subject. “She said she’d be going to the fair as well. Maybe Tommy and Spencer could hang out?”
His brows raised. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. He’s probably sick of hanging out with me.”
“I don’t think so. Seems like he admires you a lot. Even if you’re ever so slightly a bad influence…”
“Can’t help it,” he mumbled, exhaling deeply. “I was thinking, um… I need totalk to my mom. You know, properly. I guess I’ve been easing into this whole thing, you know? Trying to take it day by day, bit by bit. It feels better now. Being around her. Maybe I should talk to her one on one when we see her next. Maybe I should be more honest with her.”
“What do you want to tell her?” I asked, still toying with the collar of his shirt.
“I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t keep it to myself forever. I just… I want her to know why I couldn’t just take the leap with her. Why I’m so closed off. I don’t want to lose her again. It hurt too bad the first time. But what you said about me taking down that wall I have up?”
“What about it?”
“Might be time to take it down, right?”
“Only if you think that’s the right thing to do. If you’re ready. If you’re not, that’s okay too.”
“The only way it’s gonna come down is if I talk to her.Reallytalk to her. Me and her, just to let her know… everything. I don’t wanna upset her, but it’s the only way I’m ever gonna move on. And if I can move on, I can let her back into my life, and maybe things will be different with her. How they’re supposed to be.”
“I want that so bad for you, Sawyer. That happiness. I want that for the both of you.”
“I don’t wanna make her sad,” he said, fingers pushing through my locks. “She doesn’t deserve to feel sad.”
“She seems very understanding about it all, don’t you think? Open, willing to listen. She knows she made a mistake, and she’s trying to fix it as much as she can. Talk to her, and you can both take time to get things where you want them to be.”
“I really want her back in my life, Holly.”
“She wants you back in her life too. So bad. I can see it in the way she looks at you. She loves you so much.”
He hummed, fingers coming to a halt in my hair. “You always make me feel better. Always know what to say. My smart girl.”
Laughing, I pressed my face into his chest. “I try.”
“You know me too well. Every part.”
“You know me just as well,” I said.
I felt his lips kiss the top of my head, his fingers still gently stroking through my hair. I loved that about us. That he knew me. That I knew him. Down to every last detail. The good parts, the complicated parts. I knew it all, and it just made loving him so much better, so much more intense, wilder, deeper.
We really did feel intertwined now.
Chapter 17
Sawyer
The first thing I noticed when me and Holly stepped into the fair showground was the smell of fried food. French fries or something, with a sweet scent on top. Cotton candy probably. The air was buzzing with the sound of screams and laughter, the sun still setting there in the distance, keeping darkness off of us for just a little while longer. The whole place was lit up with rides and games, my eyes landing on the giant glowing Ferris wheel that I could see all the way from the entrance.
That was where we were supposed to meet. Spencer. Kurt. My mom.
The thought made me squeeze at Holly’s hand a little. She turned my way, a gentle smile on her face as she cozied up to me, her body all inviting and warm. She was warm all the time. Warm, soft, sweet, home.
Clara and Tommy were right next to us. He was rattling off everything he wanted to do. Haunted house. Hotdog. Bumper cars. Hotdog. Another hotdog. Haunted house again. In that order. I wondered how he was going to mesh with Spencer when they were so different.
“Sawyer!” I heard a voice call to my side. My mom’s voice. There she stood, offering me a shy wave like I wasn’t her son, like she wasn’t my mother, like we didn’t even really know each other. Kurt and Spencer were standing with her. My fingers stayed interlocked with Holly’s as we all moved over to them.
“You guys came,” my mom said, eyes a little wide. She always said that, like she was shocked that I had come through with my promise to show up.I really hated hearing that hesitation in her voice. “Tonight should be so much fun.” Her eyes lowered to Tommy. “And who’s this?”
“This is Tommy,” Clara said, patting Tommy’s head of messy blond locks. “Say hi.”
