Page 65 of Infinite as They Come
“Hi!” Tommy called out, eyes locked on to Spencer’s.
Spencer was tugging at the end of his T-shirt, looking up at his mom and Kurt hesitantly. He even shot me a little look, and all I could do was give him a nod, the go ahead to take the leap.
“Hi,” Spencer said, voice small. “I’m… I’m Spencer.”
“What rides do you wanna do first?” Tommy blurted out. “We can do the haunted house first. I went last year, and it wasn’t even that scary.”
“Haunted house?” Spencer repeated, fingers clinging to his shirt.
“Baby, not everyone finds joy in being scared,” Clara said, fingers scratching at Tommy’s hair. “How about we walk around for a little while? And maybe play some games? You can win me something.”
Tommy’s eyes lit up. “Okay. Spencer, let’s do the ring toss. My mom says it’s rigged, but last year, I nearly won.”
“Itisrigged,” Clara grumbled. “But good luck nonetheless.”
Holly’s eyes darted between mine and my mom’s. “Maybe me and Clara can take care of the boys? We’ll keep an eye on them if you two wanted to…”
“Talk.” I finished her sentence for her, eyes on my mom’s. “Do… Do you wanna talk?”
The breath she let out sounded like it hurt her, her lips trembling that little bit. God, I felt like such an asshole. I didn’t want to put her through any pain. Didn’t want to be the reason why she felt so unsure, but there I was, feeling unsure myself. Scared she’d take off again, scared to let her in only for history to repeat itself.
“I’ll hang out with you ladies,” Kurt said, giving my mom’s shoulder a squeeze before pressing a kiss to her cheek. “And I’ll show you boys how to win at ring toss.”
“It’s not rigged,” Tommy said, voice all certain. “You just have to know how to throw good.”
“Spencer’s got a very steady hand,” Kurt said, patting Spencer’s head. “Let’sshow ‘em how it’s done.”
Holly grasped either side of my face gently, giving me a kiss that lasted a second technically, but in my head, it was going on forever. Soft lips, soft fingers, soft everything.
“I love you,” she whispered, giving me the tiniest of smiles before leaving with Kurt and Clara and the boys.
Then it was an awkward silence. An uncomfortable one that I didn’t want to exist, because my whole life I had been waiting for the woman in front of me to come back in my life, and now that she was, now that she was there in the flesh, there were a million emotions hitting me at once, and I didn’t know how to process a single one.
“I guess we’ll just… walk around?” I rubbed a hand against the back of my neck. “If that’s okay with you.”
Her eyes softened. “Of course it’s okay, Sawyer.”
Hand out, I gestured for her to move first, and she clutched the strap of her handbag like she was hanging on for dear life. We both stayed quiet, the emptiness between us filled with the screams of some kids running past and all that music blasting. It should have been a good night. Me out with the girl I loved with everything in me, with my mom, with my brother who I was slowly starting to let into my life, with the man my mom loved now and who had been nothing but nice to me.
But I would be lying if I said my heart still wasn’t a little bruised.
“Thank you for coming,” she said, finally breaking the silence. “It’s so nice to see you again. I know I keep saying that, but it really is so good to see you, Sawyer.”
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Tommy seems very sweet. Energetic, but sweet.”
“Yeah.” I laughed, looking over my shoulder. I could just make out Spencer and Tommy standing at the front of the ring toss game, and if I squinted, I could see the shyest of smiles there on Spencer’s face. “Tommy’s a good kid. Got a lot of energy, but he always means well.”
“Like you,” she said. “You were always like that. Always on the move.Could barely get you to sit down sometimes. The only time you’d sit down was when you were painting.”
“Not much has changed, honestly.”
“Holly seems to keep you grounded. It’s nice to have someone like that. Kurt… Kurt makes me feel that way. Like I can be okay. And happy. And… safe.”
I almost stopped walking when she said that. Eyes on the ground, I nodded. “Dad never made you feel like that.”
“No. No, he didn’t. And he didn’t make you feel like that either. And I just…” She breathed out, all choked and quick and sharp. “There I went just leaving you with him. And here I am wanting you so badly back in my life. I don’t deserve that. How selfish, right? You should leave right now and never speak to me again. That’s what I deserve.”
