Page 67 of Infinite as They Come
“I can’t even imagine what you felt when it happened,” she said, brows pulling together in a deep frown. “That day. You came back from school and…”
“You were gone,” I said, my laugh hollow.
“God, how awful.” Her eyes shut tightly for a second. “I’m so sorry, Sawyer. I promise I’m never letting you go. I’ve waited so long for this, for us to be together again. I don’t blame you for feeling scared. You’re allowed to feel that, but I need you to know, Sawyer, that now that you’re here in front of me? Now that I can see you and talk to you? I know I’ll never give this up.”
“I like spending time with you. And Spencer and Kurt. The other night at your place, when we had dinner? That night was so good. Normal. I’ve never really had normal before. But I really liked it. And I hope we can have more moments like that.”
Slowly, she smiled, and it still looked warm despite how wet her eyes were. “I liked it too. So much. It’s one of my favorite days ever. I’m so lucky. The luckiest person in the world to have you as my son…”
“Mom,” I said, avoiding her eyes. My chest was getting all twisted up ather words, at the moment. I had spent my whole life searching for the love she used to give me, and it didn’t feel real to feel it again. But I had to let myself feel it. I had to live it, trust her, let her love me, because not having these moments felt like a punishment for the both of us.
“Look at us two,” she said, finally pulling her warm hands away from my face. “People might think we’re a little crazy.”
“Maybe we kinda are.” I shrugged. “Oh well.”
She laughed, patting her hands against my shoulders. “I’ve gotta get a control of my emotions, don’t I?”
“No. It’s okay. You’re allowed to… feel whatever you’re feeling. I don’t mind.”
“I guess I’ve been feeling a lot lately. It’s a little hard not to, right?”
“Yeah, I’ve been feeling a lot too.”
“What you said? About having more moments like the other night?” she said. “I want that too. And that day at the park. Days where we get to be together and learn about each other and just talk. I love talking to you, Sawyer. I love hearing about your life and all the things you’ve done. All the things I didn’t get to see…”
I nodded. “I like sharing it with you. And hearing about your life too. And… And Kurt. I like him. He’s nice. I’m glad you met someone who takes care of you the way you deserve.”
She pressed her lips together like she was holding back a cry. “Me too. And he likes you so much. So does Spencer, but you already knew that…”
I laughed. “Yeah, I like him too.”
“Should we go find them?” she asked. “I wonder how they’re doing at ring toss…”
I nodded and we moved back the way we came from, pushing our way through the crowd that seemed to have doubled in size since we first arrived. I could see Spencer and Tommy shuffled up together while Kurt and Clara lingered not too far behind. And there was Holly, chewing at her bottom lip, arms crossed, a nervous look on her face that I could see from a mile away. Her eyes were darting left and right like she couldn’t settle on anything, one foot tapping against the ground. Her head turned just in time to catch myeyes, right as I got close enough to drape an arm around her shoulder.
“Hey,” I said lowly. “You okay?”
“Just want everything to go good for you,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose into my neck. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, baby, I think everything’s gonna be good,” I said.
“Look at what I won!” Spencer cried out. In his little hands was some big plush dog, bright and blue and ridiculous looking, but he held it tight to his chest like it already meant too much to him. “Tommy helped.”
“Tommy’s got your back, huh?” I asked, giving his head a scratch.
“I can hang on to it for ya,” Kurt said, holding his hands out. “That way you and Tommy can have a proper wander around. Promise I won’t lose it.”
“Thanks, Dad.” Spencer smiled, sliding the dog into Kurt’s hands. “Can we play another game?”
Spencer and Tommy led the way and Kurt used his free hand to lace it with Mom’s, and even from where I was standing, I was pretty sure I could see the relief in her. For the first time since I had her back in my life, she seemed calm. Like she had been waiting for me to say those three words.I forgive you. They were there on the tip of my tongue the whole time. Had been since I first heard her voice on that phone call. It felt like we both just needed me to spit those words out so we could move on.
“So,” Holly said, head turned my way. Bambi eyes filled with concern, she tucked herself in closer to me. “How’d it go?”
“Better than I thought it would,” I said. “I feel… I don’t know, lighter? Like I had been waiting for that moment for too long. It feels good, you know? To see her. To be around her. To be around this and to have family. I don’t have to forget what happened, and I don’t think I ever could, but… it’s good to have her back in my life. To let her be my mom again.”
She hummed, keeping her body pressed to mine, and I gave the top of her head a kiss. “I’m really proud of you, Sawyer. I meant it when I said you’re the strongest person I know.”
“I couldn’t have done any of this without you. You know that, right? It’s you, Holly. You’re the one getting me through this. You’re the one making this easier, and this has been hard as fuck.”
