Page 82 of Infinite as They Come
Holly
I was going to take Sawyer’s advice and go eat those waffles. My stomach was feeling a little too empty as I closed the motel room door behind me, hit by early morning heat as I moved down the stairs with my laptop tucked under my arm.
Me and Sawyer would have tonight together. Maybe we’d have dinner at the diner, or find some new place to eat, or hunt down some nice lookout where we could see the sunset and he could paint. I couldn’t and wouldn’t get in the way of him meeting up with his mom. They both needed that time together.
Taking a shortcut through the parking lot, I was just about to begin my journey to the diner when I heard someone call out my name, their voice all soft and gentle. Spencer. I turned to see him, his finger pushing up his glasses as he ran over to me with quick little steps.
“Hi, Holly,” he said, stopping in front of me.
“Hey,” I said, eyes flickering up to see Kurt getting out of his car. “You guys are hanging out here today?”
Spencer nodded. “Me and Tommy are gonna watch wrestling. I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I’m learning a lot.”
“What are you learning?”
“How to flip people. And jump off a ladder.”
“Sawyer really is your brother,” I mumbled, about to send Kurt a wave when I saw Linda get out of the car too. Her eyes found mine, her smile bigand bright.
“Hi, Holly,” she called out, one hand clasping the strap of her handbag. “It’s so hot today. What are you doing wandering around? Do you need a ride somewhere? Kurt can drive you.”
“Um…” I looked over at Kurt who was pulling out things from the trunk of the car. Towels and floaties and a cooler.
“We’re meeting with Clara and Tommy. Spencer and Tommy are going to watch a little TV today,” Linda said. “Then we’re gonna head down to the pool. Would you like to join us? Um…” She looked over her shoulder. “Is Sawyer around? Where’s he off to today?”
“That’s a good question.” My fingers tapped against my laptop as a knot of nerves suddenly twisted right there in my stomach. “He’s busy. With stuff, I suppose.”
Linda’s head tilted. “Oh, right. I was hoping we’d bump into him. Come join us. Kurt made lots of sandwiches for lunch.”
“Hey, Holly!” Kurt called out as if on cue, still messing with stuff in the trunk.
“Hi…” I said, and I hated how dejected my voice suddenly sounded.
The invitation sounded nice enough. Linda and Kurt and Spencer were sweet and I had enjoyed all of our moments together, but Sawyer’s words from earlier were loud and booming in my ears.I’m just gonna go see my mom. But there she was in front of me, all warm eyes and bright smile.
“I actually had to get some stuff done today.” I slapped a hand against my MacBook. “I’m sorry. Thanks for the invite. You guys have fun.”
Linda reached forward and gave my arm a squeeze. “Maybe next time. Tell Sawyer I said hello.”
I nodded stiffly. “I will.”
“Bye, Holly,” Spencer said, his smile sweet and crooked.
I gave them all a wave goodbye and spun on my heels too fast. My chest hurt a little. More than a little. More than I cared to admit. It shouldn’t have mattered. Sawyer didn’t have to tell me every last thing he was doing. Where he was going, who he was with—but it would be nice to not be lied to.
Huffing, I quickly walked down to the diner. It looked like Clara was going to be busy back at the motel today, so I got settled in the booth right at the back of the building, ordering waffles that I didn’t even touch and flipping open my laptop. I distracted myself with work. With cleaning up my notes from the last couple of interviews I did and piecing together the quotes I thought were the best, but that nervous feeling in my stomach kept pulling me away from concentrating. I’d write one sentence, delete it, try again, roll my eyes, narrow them, try and write that sentence again. None of it felt right. Nothing felt right at all suddenly.
I couldn’t work and I instead found myself checking out my emails, seeing that one from the New York Observer still sitting there clear as day. I hovered over it for a little too long before I finally clicked on it. For a second, I imagined saying yes. I imagined being back in New York, stuck in some office, bumping shoulders with rushing pedestrians as I made my way home from work. I imagined my afternoons, my day coming to an end as I came back to the apartment. My eyes closed, and it was Sawyer that I saw and almost felt. Strong arms pulling me against him, keeping me tight to his chest, his lips ghosting across my forehead. He was home no matter where I went. I could go anywhere, to any place, to any city, and it would still be him that made any and all places feel so warm.
Eyes opening, my nails tapped against the diner table. Saying yes meant going back to the city. The thought of going back to the city made my chest ache. It almost made my skin feel all itchy, like I’d never quite find comfort in that place. It was never meant to be a permanent stop. Just something along the way while I finished at Columbia, while I got the studying part over and done with, before me and Sawyer could move on to that next step.
I was so ready for that next step.
Head turning, I let my eyes focus on the street right in front of the window. The sidewalk wasn’t too busy—a few stragglers were making their way up and down, some families getting in some weekend sun, a couple people who I had seen around in the motel with grocery bags in their hands walking back in the direction of it. I looked for Sawyer’s truck, only to see everything but.
It wasn’t him needing space that upset me. After everything, he deserved that. It was the weird phone calls. The sneaking off. The one-word answers.Stuff.Nothing. Then him lying right to my face. He had never done that before.
At least I thought he hadn’t.
