Page 87 of Infinite as They Come
“I’m allowed to know where my boyfriend goes,” I blurted out. The words came out a little loud and fast, but it had all been building for a while and it felt good to let it out. It was still Sawyer keeping me settled—mostly settled—though. He hadn’t budged and kept his hand on top of mine, his fingers warm and rough and stupidly comforting despite the butterflies in my stomach.
Eyes widening for a second, he nodded. “Yeah, I know, baby. Of course. And…”
“And?”
“And…”
I closed my eyes. “Sawyer, I know you weren’t with your mom yesterday.”
He got quiet after that. I could hear the chatter of the customers, the clatter of someone’s fork and knife hitting their plate, the bell going off at the front door as someone walked in. Finally, my eyes opened back up to see Sawyer’s brows knitted together.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“She was at the motel yesterday,” I mumbled. “With Kurt and Spencer. They were hanging out with Clara and Tommy.”
His throat cleared. “Oh.”
“You’re allowed to have time to yourself. With everything that’s been going on and everything you’ve been feeling, I get it. You need space some days. I’m not holding that against you. It’s you being gone all day without an explanation that’s making me feel this way. It’s the sneaky phone calls and the messages like there’s something you don’t want me to find out. And now it’s you lying to me. That’s what hurts the most.” I exhaled, and I hated how painful it felt, how that ache burning around in my chest made breathing a hard task. “You’ve never lied to me before, Sawyer.”
“Holly, I’m sorry.” His hand stayed there on mine, squeezing me tight. He wasn’t masking his own frustration. I could hear it there in his voice, in his strained words. “All I can say is I’m sorry.”
“I’m allowed to be annoyed that you lied to me,” I murmured.
“You’re right. You are. You’re allowed to feel like that.”
“Just tell me where you were yesterday,” I said. “Please.”
A soft groan escaped him, his hand pulling away from mine before he ran both across his face. “Holly…”
“Where were you? I know you lied. You know that I know. I’m giving you a chance here to just be honest with me. That’s all I want. I want just the truth from you.”
Pulling his hands away from his face, he pushed them through his hair. “Holly, I just need you to trust me.”
“Idotrust you.”
“Then can we just leave it at that? Please?”
“Leave it at that,” I repeated, shaking my head. “I’ve been patient enough, don’t you think? I’ve waited, Sawyer. All those long days you leave without proper answers, all the weird phone calls. I’ve waited and now you just need to tell me. Please. Just tell me. Tell me why you lied to me.”
His lips parted, and for a second, I thought I was getting it. Truth. Answers. The Sawyer who never hid from me, who never lied right to my face.
“Please just trust me, Holly,” he said. “Please. This isn’t how I planned thisall going. We were meant to see more places, do more things, have more moments together.”
“It’s not even that. I don’t care about that. You found your mom and I’m so happy for you and her and Spencer. It’s you lying to me that hurts. And even when I call you out on the lying youstillwon’t tell me why you’re lying.”
“I’m sorry for lying. I am. So bad, Holly. I hated doing it, but yesterday…”
“Yesterday?” I prompted.
“I needed to take care of some—”
“Stuff?” I cut him off. “Stuff, right? You’ve been doing a lot of stuff lately. Copious amounts of stuff that I am not privy to, apparently.”
“I want to tell you.”
“Then tell me.”
“I wish I could.”
