Page 90 of Infinite as They Come
Eyes shut tightly, I found myself clinging on to the blankets a little too harshly. I didn’t want to ask again. Didn’t want to nag, didn’t want to push him. But the question was there on the tip of my tongue, and it was spilling from my lips all rushed and uncontrolled before I could tell myself to stop.
“Where were you yesterday?” I asked, voice so quiet it wasn’t even a whisper. This was another chance for him to just tell me, to just be honest. It was the bare minimum. Truth. I deserved the truth.
Sawyer paused. He paused too long, and it made me wince, because what was he doing that he couldn’t tell me? What was he keeping from me? What was so bad that I couldn’t know?
“Holly…” he said, voice trailing off.
That was his answer. My name. That was it. His voice sounded strained, like he was holding something back. His thumb on my hip paused and I found myself inching away from him that little bit, and it made my heart sting, because usually I was doing anything but that. All I ever wanted was him close. His arms around me, mine around his, our bodies pressed so tightly together it was like we were intertwined and couldn’t ever pull away from each other. But that little stinging in my heart turned into an ache Ifelt all over, and I just found myself staying there on the other side of the bed, cold and confused and ever so slightly crushed.
“Goodnight, Sawyer,” was all I could bring myself to say.
Chapter 24
Sawyer
I noticed that the bed was empty the second I woke up.
There was no Holly lying on my chest, her body pressed all up against mine, her long hair a wonderful mess that sometimes managed to get into my mouth—but I never cared about that, because it meant I had her so close. It meant I got to feel her soft skin, my hand rubbing against her back or arm or waist. It meant I got to inhale that pretty lavender scent of her shampoo.It meant I got to wake up to her face.
We hadn’t fallen asleep with her in my arms last night. I slept best with her pressed right up against me. With her head on my chest and my arms circled right around her. It was the only way to fall asleep, really. I could remember that feeling so clearly as I lay there in bed with her all the way on the other side, like she was on another fucking planet even though she was only a few inches away. I had told myself last night to never let things between us get so messed up that we ever do that again. That even if we had been arguing all day and shooting each other glares and scoffing at each other, that at the end of the day when the moon was high in the sky, that we still stayed all tangled up together as we slept.
That didn’t happen last night, but I had woken up for the briefest of minutes, vision blurry and my mind a mess, with Holly in my arms. She had found me. Or had I found her? Maybe we both found each other. There in our sleeping states, our bodies had been led together, like we’d be pulled together no matter what. I had pressed a gentle hand to the back of her head,cradling her to my chest while I used my other hand to keep the blankets secure against her body, keeping her tight to me. She was safe in my arms. Always.
But now it was morning, and that feeling of her body on mine was gone.
Eyes snapping open, I sat up slowly, peering over at the bathroom door. It was wide open, but I couldn’t hear any noise. The sun was already pouring in through the windows, the streams a little too strong, which meant it was later than I would have liked.
I got out of bed and checked the bathroom only to find it empty. Holly wasn’t outside either, and when I looked down at the parking lot, I couldn’t see her either by or in the truck.
Moving back inside, I was just about to grab my phone and call her when I saw it. A piece of paper folded up on the bedside table with my name scrawled across the front in Holly’s neat, cursive handwriting. My heart sunk a little, and when I snatched it off the bedside table, it sunk even more.
I’m just going to Dallas for the day to see my parents. Didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be back in the afternoon. I love you so much.
Holly.
“Fuck,” I said, teeth gritted. There was a whirlwind in the room after that. Me shoving my legs into my jeans and almost hitting the carpet in the process. Me trying to brush my teeth while I slid on a T-shirt. Me calling Holly again and again only to get no response. I deserved that, though.
Was she upset? She was bound to be. It was a month and a half of me keeping secrets and being closed off and in my head, and there she was, still by my side, giving me so much love I felt it every second of the day. Her things were still in the room which was a good sign. All her clothes, hair stuff, makeup. And that note said it clear as day:I’ll be back in the afternoon. Holly wasn’t a liar, but I was. I had done it right to her face too, looked her in the eyes and fed her a lie that she didn’t deserve to feel.
Now I had to fix it. Iwouldfix it.
I got ready in record time and was out the door and down the stairs inonly a few minutes, ready to run over to the truck when I collided with a body.
“Whoa!” It was Kurt, his eyes widening a little as he pressed his hands on either one of my arms. “You’re in a rush today.”
My hands slid through my hair. “Fuck, sorry. You okay?”
“I’m fine. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“Holly,” was all I could say.
His eyes softened immediately. “Is she okay?”
“She’s…” I let out a long breath, and it came out all ragged. “She’s back in Dallas. Back at home.”
“Did something happen?”
“We kinda had a fight,” I said, rubbing my hands over my face. “I don’t know if Mom told you about the whole house thing.”
