Page 93 of Infinite as They Come
I fell to his chest before I could stop myself. I just needed a little comfort, a little familiarity. Head turned slightly, I let a breath leave my lips, the sound coming out so shaky.
“Hey, hey,” he said, voice hushed. His hands found my back, pulling me against him tighter. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t even know why I’m upset,” I said with a too sad sounding laugh. “I’m being stupid.”
“No. You’re allowed to be upset. Whatever it is, you’re allowed to be upset about it.”
“Where’s Mom?”
“Off at her Pilates class. I was gonna go with her. I was just about to put my leggings on and everything.”
Snorting against him, I let my mind conjure up the visual. “There’s still time.”
“If it’ll get you to smile, then I’ll do it.”
“Maybe later.”
“How’d you get here?”
“Cab. Plane. Cab again.”
He hummed. “How about we sit down?”
Pulling away from him, I nodded. His hand felt steady on my back as he closed the front doors and guided me away from them. With a heavy feeling in my chest, he led me through the foyer and the hallway and then into the kitchen. I was instantly met with strong beams of morning light pouring inthrough the big windows as he moved me over to the breakfast table. He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down, already feeling that warmth and safety of him and my home wash over me. But I missed that motel. I missed the coziness of it all. I missed how well I seemed to fit into Sawyer’s arms when he wrapped his arms around me in that bed. We hadn’t fallen asleep tangled up together last night, but we woke up that way, like we would always find each other on instinct alone. Maybe he’d be waking up right now. I winced at the thought of him all alone in that bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” my dad asked as he took a seat next to me.
Eyes on the table, I breathed out shakily. “I didn’t know being lied to could hurt so much.”
“You’re talking about Sawyer?”
I nodded. “He’s never done that to me before.”
“What did he lie to you about?”
“About seeing his mom when I knew full well that he wasn’t with her.” I found myself shaking my head, fingers massaging at my forehead. “It’s not even just that. It’s him being weird and closed off and sneaky. Him being out all day and not telling me where he’s going or taking calls away from me so I don’t hear what he’s saying. He needed space. Alone time. And I’ve given him that. A lot of it.”
“You guys had a fight about that then? That’s why you came here?”
My cheeks suddenly got all hot as shame washed over me. “Not exactly. I kinda woke up and just… left. Very mature and grown up, I know.”
“No, you needed some space. It’s okay to need space, and you know you can come here whenever you’re feeling sad.”
“I kept giving him chances to be honest, to just tell me, but he wouldn’t take those chances. I don’t like being lied to, Daddy. Especially when it’s Sawyer doing the lying.” I let my gaze lower to the table. “It hurts extra bad when it’s him lying to me.”
He sighed, reaching over to smooth a hand over my hair. “You know I’ve never been his biggest fan…”
My eyes closed tightly. “Please don’t say anything awful about him. Not like you used to. I can’t deal with that right now.”
“I won’t. I wasn’t thinking anything like that. I was going to say how even though I never… liked him back then, I could still see the way he looked at you. Like he loved you a little too much. That was the most annoying part,” he said with a low chuckle that had me opening my eyes back up. “That no matter what I said or did, no matter how harsh I was being, he still loved you. Hell, that seemed to make him love you even more. Guy is stubborn as hell.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Extremely.”
“It was a little frustrating. A lot frustrating, really. I could see it in his eyes. I could see how much he loved you. And a few years ago, if I could have clicked my fingers and magically stopped him from feeling that way about you, I would have done it in a second.” Brows raising, he gave his head a little shake. “He’d probably still end up loving you all over again.”
“I like to think so. I really don’t want anyone else but him loving me…” That thought alone made something icy and sharp run through me. For a second, my mind forced me to imagine it: some faceless man with his cold hands on me. Kissing me. Loving me.Tryingto love me, really, because I knew no one else could love me like Sawyer did, because Sawyer did it with his whole heart. It was a nightmare there in my head. Some horrifying, too vivid image that I never wanted to see ever again. I didn’t ever want it to be anyone but Sawyer.
“What I’m trying to say is that,” he said, eyes softening, “that boy loves you a lot, Holly. I guess he’s not a boy anymore. He’s a man now, and I’ve seen him change. I’ve seen how he takes care of you. How he always puts you first. How much effort he puts into things for you. I know it must hurt to be lied to, and you’re allowed to feel hurt and call him out on it, but maybe there’s a reason why he did what he did.”
