Page 36 of Infinite as They Come
Slowly, I joined her, hands patting down the back of my dress as I sat down by her side. “Some boys were being really awful to him the other day. The day we first met him.”
Linda’s eyes shut as she gave me a little nod. “Oh, we know all about that. Spencer’s so… He’s so sweet, so kind, but other boys see him as an easy target. We told him a hundred times that we’ll pick him up from school, but he’s eight now, and he wants to be a little independent.”
“Well, he seems to be good with gardening.” I looked over to the back section of the park where Sawyer and Spencer were deep in conversation. Spencer’s fingers kept fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt, all nervous and awkward. So cute.
“He loves this sort of stuff. He watched one gardening show when he was five, and now we can’t go a day without him having dirt on his hands.”
I smiled at the visual. “It’s good he has a hobby, I guess. It’s better than playing video games all day.”
She let out a little laugh. “That’s true. We… We didn’t really get to talk much the other day. I’m sorry. It was a little intense.”
Lips pressed together, I gave my head a shake. “Don’t apologize for that.”
“I wasn’t really sure how that day would go. I wasn’t even sure if Sawyer would turn up. He…” Pausing, her lips trembled that tiny bit. “He told me the only reason he could do it was because you were there with him. So, thank you, Holly. For being there for him.”
My breath suddenly felt trapped in my chest when she said that. I could almost imagine the scene, could almost hear Sawyer’s voice, all rough and deep and honest, admitting that to his mom. He had told me that earlier. That it was me getting him through it, but it still made my heart tighten to know that he trusted me with something so important to him.
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” I whispered.
“I never got to see Sawyer at Spencer’s age,” she said, voice wavering a little. “I left when he was so young. When he just started school. I missed out on so much. What was he like? In school, I mean? Or did you two meet in New York?”
“Me and Sawyer already knew each other before New York,” I explained. “I’m from Dallas too.”
“Oh, where abouts? I still remember that city like the back of my hand.”
“Highland Park.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh my. That’s a lot different to where I grew up. Sawyer too…”
“Yeah, Sawyer always liked to remind me about that,” I said, a little smile tugging at my lips. “We moved to New York when I started studying at Columbia. We’re kinda having a little break before we go back to the real world.”
“Oh, some break.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I ruined that.”
“You didn’t. Not at all. I’m glad this is happening. I mean, not all the painful stuff. I’m glad… I’m glad you and Sawyer found each other again.”
She pressed a hand to her chest. “Me too. I wish so bad that I had been there for him. I missed it all, didn’t I?”
“You can learn about him now, though. There’s still plenty of time for that.”
She gave me a little smile before suddenly perking up in her seat. “Have you ever seen Sawyer’s baby photos?”
It only hit me then that I hadn’t ever laid eyes on a single one. Sawyer didn’t exactly have any. I could see the excitement in her eyes as I nodded, her hand diving into her bag to pull out her wallet. She slid out three photos, all perfectly flat and crisp, not a single crease or tear in them. She handed me the first one and I instantly recognized Linda looking back at me. Her face was a little rounder and her hair was longer and curlier, falling down effortlessly against her shoulders. She looked so young. Maybe around twenty, maybe my age, and I couldn’t even imagine having a baby so young, but she seemed far too happy in that photo that it seemed like that thought didn’t cross her mind even once. Her smile was so big. Proud and radiant,her dimples on show as she held a little baby in her arms. My eyes lowered to that baby—eyes shut, cheeks all soft and chubby, a tuft of dark hair on its head.
“Sawyer was only a few weeks old then,” she said, her words all laced with a tone I could only describe as longing. “Not even a month old. He was so little. I swear, I held him twenty-four seven. Every minute of the day I had him in my arms. I didn’t ever want to let go…”
I stared at him. At a little baby Sawyer who had no idea what was about to happen to him. I couldn’t even stop the tears from forming. “So cute,” was all I could manage to say, my thumb running across the smooth photo.
“And there’s this one,” she said, handing me another photo. “He’s older here, obviously. He just turned three. We went to the park that day. It was such a good day. Just me and him…”
A smile spread across my face as I took in the image. All of that dark, messy hair had come in by then, the strands in his face, his green eyes bright and big. He was standing in front of a tree, his hands behind his back as he shot the photographer a big, crooked grin. His smile was too sweet, too innocent. It tugged at my heart before I could stop it and found even more tears welling in my eyes.
“And this one,” she said, giving me the last one. “His first day of school. One of the last photos I took of him…”
I held the photo tight between my thumb and forefinger. There Sawyer stood. A little bigger than the previous photo, that dark hair all neatly swept back. He had his little T-shirt tucked into some shorts and I smiled at the idea of his mom getting him all dressed up for school, for his first big day. There was some dullness in his eyes in the photo. Maybe it was just him not being ready for such a big moment on that day, or maybe he had already witnessed things no one his age—or any age—should have been around.
“They’re all really sweet,” I said, and I realized then how choked up I was. Looking at baby photos had the tendency to do that to me, and I hadn’t ever thought I’d get to see Sawyer’s. Placing the photos in a neat little pile, I handed them out for Linda who was looking at me with watery eyes. “Thanks for sharing them with me.”
“You can keep those,” she said softly. “Those aren’t even the originals. I have them at home. I had those in my bag the day I left and I made sure I made a million copies. I keep them in the car, in my bag, at work, in Kurt’s wallet, in the garage. Gosh, I have copies everywhere. I never want to lose them. That’s all I had of him.”
