Page 53 of Infinite as They Come
My phone was buzzing in my pocket. It was probably Mandy, her wondering where the hell I was. I should have been at her office signing those damn papers, but all I could think about was getting Spencer home—to a place where he was safe and tucked away and no asshole kids could hurt him.
The drive back to his place felt all slow and sluggish. We pulled into the driveway at the same time his mom—our mom—was, her eyes wide as she practically flew out of the car door and made her way to the truck.
“Spencer, what happened?” She gasped, sliding her hands through the open window. She was cupping his face, tilting his head back and forth, tsking as she took in the image of her bruised son. Bruised because of me. “Was it those boys again?”
“Yeah, but it’s okay,” Spencer said, his head turning to face me. “I fought back this time.”
She frowned. “What do you mean you fought back?”
Spencer shot me a big smile. “Sawyer taught me how to.”
“Tattle tale,” I muttered playfully, his happy sounding laugh filling up the truck.
“Okay, Spencer, you hop out,” she said, pulling open his door. “I’ll meet you in the bathroom to clean you up.” Then her eyes landed on me. “Sawyer, I’m so sorry. We had a last-minute patient come in and it was just disaster after disaster.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. You don’t have to apologize.”
“Can we talk? Do you want to come inside?”
Ah, here it was. It had been a long time since I had been yelled at by my mother. You could never really prepare yourself for it, no matter how old you were. I nodded at her and shut the truck off, following her inside. I could hear Spencer’s feet padding along the carpet as he ran off to the bathroom. He was still buzzing, apparently.
She brought me into the kitchen and I awkwardly took a seat by her, placing his broken glasses on the table.
“I’m sorry his glasses broke,” I said. “I know they’re not cheap. I’ll pay for them.”
Her head tilted as she looked at me. “You say that like it’s your fault.”
“It is. Kinda.” My eyes closed for a quick moment. “No, not kinda. It is my fault. I bumped into Spencer last week and he… had a bad day at school. Those kids were giving him a hard time again, and he wanted to know how to fight ‘em. How to defend himself. I tried to teach him. I guess that didn’t really go well, because now his glasses are broken and he’s hurt. I’m sorry.”
Slowly, she reached a hand out. It was such a cautious move. Slow, unsure, like I would bite, but finally, she let her hand rest on top of mine. Maybe she thought I’d fling hers off or something, because she kept looking at our connected hands like she couldn’t quite believe what was happening. I couldn’t believe it either.
My mind was a mess, too many thoughts jamming into my head all atonce. One stood out more than the others. She probably wouldn’t want to look twice at me after this. I had fucked up badly, had thought that I could just give Spencer a push towards confidence, but that had blown up in my face. Maybe I’d only get to have my mom back in my life for a little while. Maybe it was always meant to be like that: like she was never supposed to be with me forever or something.
“You look so worried,” she whispered.
“I don’t want Spencer to be hurt,” I said. “And I don’t want…”
“What?”
“I don’t want this to be a reason we don’t talk again.”
Deep frown on her face, she gave her head a shake. “What do you mean?”
“If you’re pissed at me, I get it. I let Spencer get hurt. I mean, I was tryna help. IthoughtI was trying. I should have told you that those kids were messing with him again, but he really wanted to know how to fight, and it’s kinda hard to say no to him.”
She blinked at me. “You think I’m mad?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No. It was an accident. I know it was an accident, and that’s not something I’d ever hold against you. You tried to help Spencer. That’s what big brothers do, right?”
My throat cleared. “It feels really weird being someone’s big brother.”
“Spencer really likes you,” she said, squeezing at my hand. “He thinks you’re so special and brave and strong. I bet he thinks that even more now…”
“I don’t know about that.” I chuckled. “I just didn’t want those kids to keep messing with him. And I don’t want… I don’t want us to go back to how it was before. With us not talking. Or seeing each other. It’s really nice seeing you again. I know I haven’t been… open. Or ready to talk. It’s been really hard for me. Letting you back in and everything. I’m sorry if I haven’t been so upfront. I want us to talk and for things to be how they’re meant to be. It’s just scary, because the last time I loved you…”
She let out a quick, shaky breath. “I left.”
