Page 130 of Your Sharpest Edge
“Put me on the ground.” I still hadn’t gained control over my legs, and I was starting to wonder if this was a stress response.
Damien ran over to me and Alex as we took a seat on the hardwood floor with the wall against my back, providing support.
“I missed you, baby,” I whispered.
I tried to act as normally as possible. I gave my son a hug and tried so hard but failed as the tears fell down my cheeks.
“I had so much fun with Uncle Ledger. We ate even more pizza, and he let me have a slice for breakfast, and then he played with my favorite cars and built me a race track. Wanna come see it?” my sweet baby asked.
I grabbed his head and held him tightly to my chest. He was my everything.
“Oh, hi, Alex. I’m happy you’re here too.” Damien hopped off my lap and jumped into Alex’s open arms. “I missed you,” he said as he nuzzled into Alex’s chest.
My heart ached. The emotions flooded me, and the tears wouldn’t stop.
“Hey, Ledger,” I called. “Do you think you could give me a hand to the bedroom?”
Ledger nodded and then lifted me, noticing that I couldn’t walk. Alex glanced up at me hesitantly, but Damien was stuck to his chest.
“Go,” he mouthed.
Ledger carried me to Alex’s bedroom and put me on the bed.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“I really appreciate you watching Damien and keeping him safe, Ledger. It means so much to me.”
“Anything for the three of you. I’d do anything to see Alex happy. He really deserves someone like you, and Damien is a really cool kid.”
He squeezed my shoulder before leaving me alone in the room. I could feel my knees, but they felt locked, unresponsive. It had only happened once before, early in my recovery. My mother had made borscht one night, and in an instant, I felt nothing. The memory of the soup and the first time I’d seen Alex triggered a stress-induced state where my legs just stopped working.
I was safe. I had to keep telling myself I was safe. I took a few deep breaths and tried to focus on wiggling my toes when someone knocked.
Alex walked in, and I scanned him from head to toe. He looked utterly exhausted, yet somehow still so damn adorable. His hair was a mess, tousled around his face, and his jaw was clenched as his deep eyes searched mine.
“Tell me something. I’m worried.”
I gave him a little smile and looked down at my feet. “I can feel my feet. He didn’t hurt me. I was saved. You protected me, and Damien is fine.”
I repeated aloud all the good things that kept circling in my mind.
“You’re so strong,” he murmured and took a step closer. “You are so fucking strong, and I am in awe of you.” He dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands. “I wanted to kill him.”
I squeezed his hands and realized I felt my entire foot. “I know.” He lowered his head into my lap. I let go of his hands and gently stroked his hair back. “I know.”
“I am so fucking proud of you,” he said. “G-God, malyshka.” His voice cracked, and then my lap felt wet.
I didn’t have to see him to know he was crying.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I didn’t respond right away. I sat there and waited because the answer was so much more complex than if I was okay. I just saw the man who abused me, and he tried to take me away from my family again. I didn’t even know what happened to them outside.
I shook my lower leg, and it moved. I looked down at the man curled in my lap. I was more than okay. I was safe. I was... home.
“Yes,” I managed to say. “Yes. I’m okay.”
Those simple words held more power than I’d ever had in my whole life. I would never allow someone to rewrite my life story.
