Page 135 of Your Sharpest Edge
“But you were still competing at the time?”
“Yeah, but I had no money, and my funding had run out in Russia. I needed to get to the States, and I needed money here. Dimitri was presented to me as a guy I knew from growing up in the same country, on the rink together. It made sense to marry him. How could I have said no and disappointed my parents, who’d done so much for me?”
He grabbed my hands. “You could always say no.”
I shook my head. “I was never raised with an understanding of what was acceptable or not in relationships. I just didn’t know, and it wasn’t until I was friends with you that I realized how being with someone shouldn’t be painful. It should be full of love.”
I let go of the boards and glided forward with one foot. I sucked in a breath, waiting for the worst to happen, but it didn’t. In fact, the other foot matched it, and I was moving forward. Alex was still holding my hand, but cold, wet tears fell onto my cheeks.
“Being in love with you was so easy, and I’ll never regret being your friend first, Alex. Because I needed that. No, I needed you when I was desperate to have someone show me what it was like to have a secure relationship. I needed the safety you gave me.”
Alex coughed next to me. “I think about that, too. I think we first needed the foundation of friendship...”
I closed my eyes, and as I moved forward, I realized Alex had let go of my hand. While he skated close behind, I was doing it allon my own. I was reclaiming the last thing that had been taken from me.
I turned and stopped. “I’m doing it,” I whispered. “I’m doing it... on my own.” Tears streamed down my cheeks.
“You’re doing it, malyshka.” Alex beamed.
I confidently moved forward, skating all by myself. As I went around a few more times, I noticed Alex leaning on the boards.
I stopped in front of him. “Not following me?” I asked.
He chuckled. “I can’t keep up,” he said.
I laughed and kept skating. I didn’t attempt any jumps—they were too nerve-racking for me—but I was skating. I was free.
Every glide, every turn, filled me with a mixture of emotions—joy, relief, defiance, and even a hint of sorrow. The ice beneath my skates felt like a symbol of my resilience.
The wind blew through my hair and chilled my face as I finally broke free from his shadows. Tears mixed with joy and pain as the weight lifted, replaced by a lightness I hadn’t felt in years. This moment was mine. I skated faster, emotions bubbling up, and for once, the good outweighed the bad. I was finally doing it.
I paused and then rushed over to Alex. He caught me in his arms, and I burst into joyous laughter.
“I did it,” I whispered.
He buried his nose into my hair. “You did it.”
I caressed his cheeks with my cold fingers, and he hovered his lips over mine.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I hungrily kissed him. “Thank you.”
I wanted to claim him. It was the last thing I needed to do to give everything up to him—mind, body, and spirit.
Alex was wearing a pair of jeans and a loose long-sleeve T-shirt. I was in a pair of black leggings and a lightweight sweater that I made myself.
It was only seven in the morning, the light was pouring in, and people would be here soon to open up public skate, but I needed Alex. I couldn’t wait.
I grabbed his jeans, undoing the button and pulling them down.
“What’re you doing, malyshka?” he asked cooly, but he didn’t stop me.
I was an expert on my skates. All those years I didn’t touch them felt like nothing. I could balance and hold myself still.
“I need you,” I demanded, not caring about the camera in the rink.
“Can we go to your studio? I can take you?—”
“No,” I responded, almost instinctively, as I pulled down his boxers along with his jeans. His hard cock made it clear he couldn’t wait either. “I want you right now.”
