Page 49 of Your Sharpest Edge
“If you’re traveling and not skating, then you can’t compete, right?”
I nodded, my mind churning as his words sank in. It hit me then—this was why he didn’t want me skating or practicing. He didn’t trust me to balance motherhood and my passion. All thistime, he’d masked it as concern, but really, it was about control. I felt foolish for not seeing it sooner, but maybe I could blame it on baby brain or the constant stress of our crumbling marriage. It was hard to see clearly when you were drowning in it.
Getting the money I needed to run away required the competition. Winning was within reach, and I needed that prize more than ever.
“How are you able to look him in the face, knowing all this?”
He closed his eyes, a moment too long, before reopening them. “I don’t know, Anastasia. For you. I wanted you to tell me in your own time.”
“We’ll stay friends though, right?” I hesitated. “If everything goes to plan and I leave him?”
He nodded. “Always means always.”
I closed my eyes, imagining all the ways this could go wrong, knowing Dimitri wouldn’t let me walk out the door. He saw me as his property, and no one else was going to have what was his.
“It’ll go well.” I lied.
If I wasn’t optimistic and didn’t try to convince myself of this, then what else did I have? If I was sad and pessimistic about it, it would only convince me to stay with him longer.
“It will.” Alex matched my tone and looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine.
We both nodded softly as he looked down at the baby. This was the best and only decision I could make to keep Damien safe.
“Come here.” He gestured to the bed.
Without a second thought, I walked over and lay on the other side. Alex switched Damien, who was now sleeping soundly, as he usually did, in his inside arm. He kicked off the pillows on the bed and shucked the cover.
“I know this isn’t the safest . . .”
“You’ve been reading on infant sleep?” I leaned to the side so I could look at him.
“Yeah. You’ve mentioned wanting to sleep train him, but are scared of what that entails.” He looked down at Damien. “But I’ll keep my eyes open for a few hours, and then if you want, we can switch.”
I nodded, agreeing.
“Then you go first.” He urged.
I wanted one more moment. I wanted to take a second before I let sleep take me under to look at the man who was single-handedly saving my life. I wondered if he knew how much he meant to me. Would he really stay? When I looked back on this chapter in the book that is my life, would he still be there in chapter thirty?
18
alex
“I’m so fucking pissed,” Dimitri shouted, slamming his locker, almost breaking it on the hinges.
Not only had we lost another game, which made this the third game in a row of losses, but Coach informed us that our hotel reservations were all messed up.
I was exhausted, run ragged, and pissed that we were stuck in a run-down hotel tonight. My mind wasn’t in the game, and I was stressed about Anastasia’s situation. I had no idea when she planned on telling Dimitri she was leaving. She’d been telling him she was running errands or going shopping, but instead, she was sneaking off to practice a few nights a week. It was the only way she could get back on the ice without him finding out. We hadn’t seen each other much lately, but I encouraged her to use the time when he was out of the house to start skating again, to reclaim a piece of herself before she confronted him.
Her old coach’s mentor, who happened to live nearby, offered her a teaching job at the rink for when she eventually left Dimitri. She could schedule lessons around Damien’s sleepschedule, and the mentor even suggested that some of the girls waiting for their lessons could watch the baby while she taught. We also found an apartment complex close by that fit within her budget, making sure she’d have a place to go once she was ready to make her move.
She had no idea I planned on paying her down payment and being there with her every step of the way. I understood why she wanted to do it alone, but watching Dimitri rage over a lost game, I couldn’t imagine his reaction when she told him she wanted to leave him.
“My fucking wife is here and now...” Dimitri was talking loudly to the other players, but I tuned him out.
My jealousy was getting the best of me but knowing that tonight, or sometime soon, Anastasia was going to tell him she was leaving him, I was fucking on edge from all of it.
“He’s got too much adrenaline.” One of the right wingers came over to me as I changed.
