Page 64 of Your Sharpest Edge
She’s actually here. She’s walking.
“If you leave,” Ledger whispered, “you’ll be leaving her again. Who knows when you’ll see her again.”
I nodded as I pulled away, feeling the tears on my cheeks. It had been four and a half years since I cried. It had been so long since I actually felt the pain of losing her. Nothing came close to the way I needed Anastasia. I wanted another moment to feel her skin against mine. But I was so terrified she was going to reject me yet again.
“I feel so fucking stupid for crying,” I said, turning away from them to wipe my tears.
Dirks was the first one to give me a pat on the back. “Shit. Then I feel stupid too because I barely knew her.”
I turned around, and he gave me a crooked half-smile. “He looks just like his dad,” I managed to croak out.
“Nah. I think he looks like her, but I gotta go take a closer look,” Dirks said. They both turned to head out the door. “You coming?”
I took a deep breath, not ready for this to happen. I wasn’t ready for any of it, but here I was, about to face the two people I had longed to see more than anything. So many unanswered questions swirled in my mind, but all I wanted was to see her face one more time.
“Come on.” Ledger encouraged me, holding the door open.
I wasn’t sure if she was going to push me back out of her life again, and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if I’d let her. This was a second chance for me, to show her how much I needed her, like I needed oxygen to breathe.
My legs began to move forward as I realized I was going to see her. I needed to see her. I was about to confront the ghostof a woman who had haunted me every single day for nearly five years.
24
stassi
“We’re pulling up at camp,” Damien said on the phone.
The last place I wanted to have this supervised phone call was in the car on the way to Damien’s camp, but here I was, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter as I listened to them talk.
“Is Mommy there?” the person on the other end asked as I threw the car in park.
“Obviously,” I retorted.
Damien was only allowed to have these calls a few times with Dimitri, but the courts told me it was in my best interest to continue them. Otherwise he could say I was trying to keep Damien away from him. Which was exactly what I was trying to do, but I didn’t need to give anyone else any reason to legally keep me from my child.
“I’m here.” I sighed, resigning to the fact that I was going to have to finish off the call.
I knew what was going to happen next. It always happened.
“What are you doing? Are you going to tell me where you live so I can send you letters or visit you when I’m out?” He always asked the same things.
“No,” I responded. “Anyone who needs to know where I live, knows, and you’re not on that list.”
It took a long time for me to get here with Dimitri. I used to be scared of him even though he was now a voice on the other side of the phone.
“Did you want to ask your son what kind of camp he’s going to?” I tried to redirect the conversation.
“Tell me, Stassi. Why are you such a bitch? Why do you?—”
I clicked the phone off speaker so Damien couldn’t hear him.
“Are you slutting around just like last time? You were cheating on me. I did what I did because you are a fucking cheating bitch.”
I looked back, and my sweet, innocent boy was kicking his legs and looking out the window. I kept my voice level so he didn’t pick up on the anger brewing through my veins. “No, Dimitri. If you don’t remember, that was all on you. Did you have anything else you’d like to say to your son? We’re on a recorded line.”
“I said what I needed to say.”
I closed my eyes. “You asked him how he was and where he was going. That’s it. You have nothing else to ask after speaking to him?”
