Page 76 of Your Sharpest Edge
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stassi
I shouldn’t have shown up. Or maybe I should have. It’s complicated. Dirks’ confession was unexpected, a relief to my wounds I didn’t realize still stung. Yet, being here, facing Alex, dredged up a whirlwind of emotions. We were playing this absurd game, pretending he didn’t know where I lived or that he wasn’t the one who sent me those boxes of fabric.
“Fuck,” I muttered as I reached the hallway, relief washing over me that it was empty. Leaning against the wall, I pressed my hands to my face, willing the tears not to come.
“Your secret admirer hasn’t forgotten you.” His voice, that smooth velvet, echoed down the dim corridor.
I turned to him, rooted to my spot. “I miss my friend,” I confessed quietly. “I tried so hard to avoid you, to shut out everything that reminded me of the past, but here you are.”
He approached slowly, each step deliberate, drawing out the tension between us. “Here I am.”
“All those memories of waiting outside your apartment, hoping for just a few moments of peace while my husbandparaded out with God knows who,” I continued, my voice wavering with emotion.
Another step closer.
“The kiss in the hospital... It was the first time I felt desired for who I am, not out of obligation or as part of some marital ritual.”
“I wanted to kiss you because I ache to know every part of you, to shield you from pain because...” His gaze was intense as he stopped short of me. “Are you seeing anyone else?” His question hung in the air as he closed the distance between us, our breaths mingling, chests rising and falling in perfect synchrony.
I found myself gazing up into his captivating green eyes. “No,” I admitted softly, my heart racing. “Not since...”
“No one since him?”
I shook my head. “No one since you.” There had been no one else who had kissed me since the last time his lips pressed against mine.
His mouth dropped down so it hovered over mine. “I don’t think I can be your friend again...”
My eyes fluttered between his lips and his eyes, pausing on his deep green orbs. “There’s still so much we have to talk about,” I whispered.
“Not everything has to be decided in one night,” he said. “I found you, Anastasia. I’m not letting you go again.”
“I don’t know if I can let you in though. I need to do this my way. I still haven’t... processed everything that has happened to me. There was so much...”
He pressed his finger to my lips. “I want to be here with you. This time without a label though. I don’t care what you need to tell yourself. I want to support you in all the ways you need. But I swear to God, I will never let you go again...” He leaned in.“I walked away once because you asked me to. You said if I truly loved you, I’d do it for you.”
His words hung heavy in the air, sinking into my mind like lead. He... admitted it. He silently confessed his love for me.
He walked away because he loved me.
Alex’s touch sent shockwaves through me, his hand grazing my hip with deliberate slowness. Every nerve in my body tingled with anticipation, goosebumps prickling along my skin. My heart threatened to burst from my chest with its rapid, intense rhythm as I struggled to process the enormity of his revelation.
“I left because I thought it was best for you, but I tried to find you so many times. I tried, but you never let me in.”
I swallowed hard. “I changed my number after the press...” The words were heavy on my tongue. “I went into hiding because I couldn’t stand the thought of you having to carry the weight of the mess my life had become. I felt like if I kept you away, I could somehow protect you from all of it. But deep down, I knew I was still trying to prove to myself that I could do it on my own... because a part of me kept blaming myself.”
My voice wavered, and I took a shaky breath. “If I had never tried to leave him, I wouldn’t have ended up there. I wouldn’t have gone through that assault. It felt like everything that happened was because of that one decision, and I couldn’t face you knowing I was the one who set it all in motion.”
He shook his head as he gripped my waist. “And I blamed myself for feeling like I forced you to. I didn’t want you to break up with him because of me, and when I saw you, that’s what went through my mind.” He paused. “I miss having you in my life. We live in the same city. I don’t think I can stay here knowing that you’re a few blocks away from me.”
“Because you know where I live.” I stuck out my bottom lip, and one corner of his lips lifted into a smirk.
“I looked it up. Please don’t blame me for making sure you were real.”
“I don’t,” I said softly as his lips dipped down to mine.
My pulse quickened as he drew nearer, the air thick with a potent mix of longing and trepidation. I hadn’t been this close to a man in so long. And, oh, how badly I wanted to succumb to the urge, to lose myself in the intensity of our shared desire. But beneath that longing lurked a deep-seated fear, a fear of surrendering the carefully crafted semblance of control I had built.
