Page 90 of Your Sharpest Edge
He lifted my chin. “This is normal, Anastasia. It’s completely normal to want to sexually explore within the safety of your partner. He took that power away from you. Take it back, malyshka.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“I want to be with you, and I’d like to explore with you. I want to show you that there’s safety in sexual exploration, and be there while you figure out what you desire.”
“You don’t think I’m weird?”
He shook his head. “Not at all.”
“I want to be with a partner though. I don’t want to share your love. I want to explore it with... you.” My voice quieted as I waited for his response.
“I’ll be there every step. You’re mine.”
I rubbed my hands against my thighs, nerves firing under my skin. “Would you be jealous if I wanted to hook up with another woman? Or with another man? I need to know these things to feel comfortable about us going into this.”
He paused, and I watched him take in my words, the way he always did when he wanted to make sure he gave me a clear answer.
I knew why I needed this from him—my ex had left me second-guessing everything, always making me feel like I was walking on eggshells. It wasn’t fair to demand such a clear-cut answer from him, to put the weight of my past doubts and insecurities on his shoulders. But I couldn’t help it; I needed things spelled out in black and white, no room formisinterpretation. It wasn’t about testing him but about feeling safe enough to drop the guard I’d built up over the years.
“I wouldn’t be jealous if you were with a woman and I was also participating. I’d be jealous if you wanted to be with a man or woman alone, but a group scene is something I’m okay with.”
I nodded frantically, trying to make sense of it all. “I think I feel the same way.” I confessed. “I couldn’t imagine you with another woman separately, but together, that’s what I want to explore.” I paused before admitting the truth. “I-I think I’m nervous.”
Blush crept on his cheeks. “Me too.”
“You have so much more sexual experience. You obviously weren’t waiting for me.”
He shook his head while his hands came up to mine. “No. But I think I always was. I was chasing a feeling I don’t think I could have reached.”
“What if you hate it with me?” I asked, and he huffed out a laugh.
“I could never.” His lips grazed mine as he gently slid one hand up and down my thigh. “Now tell me, malyshka, tell me what you want from me.”
I closed my eyes and silently gave myself a pep talk. I could do this. I was in control. I wanted this more than anything. Seeing how Alex cared for me and Damien turned me on more than I ever imagined.
There was no doubt I wanted this, but I wasn’t exactly sure how or what I wanted.
“Don’t think.” His raspy tone begged as we sat on the side of his king-sized bed.
“Don’t think,” I repeated, and he nodded. “Then I want you on your knees between my thighs.”
“Yes, malyshka. That is mygood girl,” he groaned and got off the bed, dropping to his knees in front of me.
I ran my fingers through his hair as his green eyes locked with mine. “Fuck,” I moaned, instinctively moving my hips back and forth as Alex’s hands explored my calves, moving up my jeans.
“I would do anything to have a little taste of your pretty pink lips, malyshka.” He peppered kisses over my jeans as he brought his hands to my waistband.
I threw my head back and moaned, the heat from his hands hitting my thighs already making me too heady. I was losing myself to the moment, and there was no stopping now.
“Lift your hips.”
I obliged, and I appreciated that he slid my jeans off and didn’t make me get up because truthfully, I wasn’t sure I could hold myself up.
I clutched the duvet, completely exposed, as Alex knelt before me. Despite how raw and vulnerable it felt, an undeniable sense of comfort and desire washed over me.
“I-I think I’ve always wanted this.” My words mingled with soft moans as he gently spread my thighs apart.
“What is this?”
