Page 95 of Your Sharpest Edge
“Oh my fucking god. You totally are.” Ledger stood up from his lounger, whipping around to face me. “If you’re considering taking her to a party, that must mean...” His eyes widened. “Are you having sex with her?” he practically screeched, and I stood up, throwing my hand over his mouth, which only made him laugh.
“Shut the fuck up,” I demanded as he grabbed my shoulders and brought me in for a hug.
Before pulling away, he gave me a pat on the chest. “You sly fucking dog.”
I looked sheepishly at my feet before plopping back down on the pool lounger and staring at the door, willing the two people I so desperately wanted in my life to come through it.
“We did it for the first time the other day,” I murmured as Ledger lay down on the recliner next to me.
“And?”
“And what?” I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and turned toward him.
“And you’re in love or some shit?”
I closed my eyes and looked up at the blinding light. “I don’t know, man,” I confessed, letting the sun seep into my skin beforeturning back toward him. “I think I’ve always been in love with her, but I lost her for so long that I’m scared I’ll mess it up.”
A long silence passed between us.
“I also . . .”
I never really had a close friend. Sure, I had the team, and Dirks was probably the closest thing to a friend I could have asked for, but for a long time, we lived different lives. I waited for Anastasia for a year before I joined him at parties or clubs. Somehow, I thought she was going to change her mind.
“Yeah?” He sat up, propping himself up and leaning on his knees.
I turned toward him and pushed my sunglasses up on my head. “She wants to explore more things sexually, and it’s not that I haven’t done that or that I’m not more experienced than she is, but it’s different when you’re with one consistent person versus a bunch of different ones.”
“What do you mean?” my very single friend asked.
“If I’m just with her, I’ll know all her likes and dislikes. Just because I’ve had sex many times doesn’t mean I’m any good at it. What if I can’t please her? What if she explores all these different things and decides I’m not good enough and leaves?”
Ledger laughed, and I shot him a death glare. He held up his hands defensively. “Alright, I hear you,” he said, still chuckling. “I don’t know what to say because I don’t know shit about being with a woman.”
“So don’t say anything then,” I grumbled.
“No, no. Hear me out.”
I leaned over to look at the giant on the recliner next to me. “What?”
“So, you and Stassi started out as friends, right?” he asked. I nodded. “That’s the foundation of a good relationship. None of that random woman bullshit, because that’s not real life. You’re not going to be with someone toxic and then want to cook thembreakfast in the morning. With Stassi, you want her in your life, and the sex is a bonus.”
“It absolutely is mind-blowing, though,” I added.
He paused, then added, “She was nineteen when she got married, Alex. She was married to a man who wanted her dead. He beat her because he didn’t want her to skate again. He liked keeping her on a short leash while he was having an affair with his mistress.”
I winced. The wound he was digging into was all too real.
“The pain you feel hearing that, imagine what she must go through daily. Imagine living with a constant reminder of what he did to her body. She’s gotta be as insecure about you guys having sex as you are.”
Ledger’s words hit me like a punch to the gut. Hearing Anastasia’s past laid out so starkly made my chest tighten with the same anger and sorrow I felt all those years ago. I wanted her to never feel that kind of pain again.
“Yeah,” I said quietly, swallowing hard. “It’s hard sometimes to put myself in her shoes and imagine the pain she went through.”
Ledger nodded, his expression serious. “Exactly. She’s been through hell, and she’s come out stronger. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have scars. Be patient with her, support her, and she’ll come to trust that you’re not going to hurt her like he did.”
I looked out at the blinding light again. “I get that. It’s just... I’m scared, too. Scared of not being enough for her, of somehow messing things up.”
“Fear is normal,” Ledger said. “But don’t let it control you. You want her, and that’s what matters. Show her and Damien that, and she’ll feel it. She needs to know that you’re going to be there to support her and not control her like her ex did.”
