Page 112 of Your Biggest Downfall
I swallowed, unable to pull in a breath. “I’ll be there. I’m coming... now.”
I dropped the phone, and the words hit me like a punch to the chest, knocking the air out of my lungs. This was coming. I’d prepared myself for the fact that one day, my mom’s cancer would kill her. But I was just with her. She was fine.
No amount of preparation could truly prepare you for life without them.
“She—she was fine,” I whispered to no one in particular.
I was there yesterday. She had looked fine and said she was feeling much better. She’d braided my hair. She’d held my hand and told me she loved me. She’d told me how proud she was.
My legs buckled, and before I knew it, I was falling to the ground. I clutched my stomach, feeling the nausea rolling around. The world blurred around me. I stared up at the night sky, the stars above looking cold and distant. The city noise faded into nothing, the warmth of the restaurant lights becoming an afterthought. All I could feel was the earth-shattering pain coursing through me, like the ground itself had opened up beneath me.
Luna’s voice was distant, frantic. “Oh my god, are you okay?”
She was running toward me, but I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t process anything beyond the message that now seemed burned into my mind.
She knelt beside me, her hands reaching out to steady me, her voice full of concern, but I still couldn’t speak. My chest felt tight, like something was crushing it from the inside. The tears hadn’t even come yet—I was too numb, too stunned to cry.
“I—I’m going to puke,” I said, and she lifted me off the ground, running me to the corner of the street where I puked into a disgusting trash can.
Everything came out, and Luna rubbed circles along my back, adjusting my shirt to let the cool air hit my skin.
I slowly turned my head, meeting Luna’s eyes, and in a broken whisper, the only words I could manage slipped out. “Mami... She passed away.”
The words hung in the air, barely audible. As if saying them out loud made them more real, the world shattered all over again. Tears sprang from my eyes, and once they started, it was hard to get them to stop. I screamed like my world was being ripped from inside me.
“Baby girl,” Luna crooned, stroking my back as I continued to puke into the trash can. “We gotta get you to the car. Let’s go to the hospital.”
I nodded. “O—Okay.”
I let Luna take me to the Uber she ordered. I let her open the door and slide me into the back seat as she piled in next to me. I was catatonic. I was... empty and lost. What was a world without my mother in it?
“I—I need to call Austin.”
Luna nodded. She wasn’t his biggest fan, but I needed my husband. I needed him so badly. Every fiber of my being yearned for him. If she was gone, I needed someone to be there for me.
Luna fished out my phone from my purse and dialed his number, putting it on speaker. It rang once, twice, and then brought me to his voicemail.
He was probably sleeping. It was late, and he’d had a shit game.
“Can you text him?” I said through sniffles.
“Yes, of course.”
I heard her tap on the phone, but I just looked at the city lights as we drove past them, wondering if it was even worth living anymore because this feeling... this nothingness was painful.
We pulled up to the hospital, and my legs felt like lead as I made my way to where Aunt Mae had told me to meet her. She stood outside Mami’s room, speaking quietly with a doctor, her face red and swollen from crying. The sight of her—so worn, so broken—was the final blow. The dam of my emotions burst.
“Sweetie,” Aunt Mae choked out when she saw me.
Her outstretched arms were all I needed. I ran to her, and she wrapped me up tightly, holding me like she was trying to shield me from the unbearable truth. But there was no shielding from this. Mami was gone. And the pain was all-consuming, a raw ache that felt like it would tear me apart from the inside out.
I clung to Aunt Mae, both of us trembling in each other’s arms. Her tears soaked my shoulder, and I could feel the heaviness of her sorrow—so much like my own. We stood there for what felt like an eternity, wrapped in the shared pain of losing the most important person in our lives.
When I finally pulled away, my voice was shaky. “I’m going to help you with the house,” I said, my hands still gripping her shoulders. “I’m going to stay there with you and help you get it in order. I just need to tell Austin.”
Aunt Mae blinked, her expression as frozen as I felt inside. She nodded, her lips quivering. “I’d love that, but... but I can do it too, sweetie. You stay with your husband.”
I shook my head, needing to do something for the person who’d cared for my mom in her final days. She deserved thehouse, and I wasn’t going to fight her or kick her out, but there was so much of Mami in there that I needed to help her with it. “No,” I said, my voice firmer now. “I want to help. Please, let me do this for Mami.”
