Page 117 of Your Biggest Downfall
After a few moments, they both pulled back. Aunt Mae gave me a gentle smile. “I’ll be here when you visit. I’m not going anywhere. In fact, I’m applying for a job as a caregiver at a group home for disabled adults down the road.”
“Congrats, Mae,” Luna said, patting her on the shoulder before turning to me with a grin. “Looks like we’re going to London, baby.”
I blinked in surprise. “How are you going to come with me? Don’t you need a visa?”
Luna’s eyes twinkled. “My company has an office out there. Easy transfer.”
I stared at her, my mouth dropping open in disbelief.
She smiled and said, “Think about it. It could be a fresh start.”
And deep down, I knew it could be.
The thought of a fresh start was enticing, and I felt a glimmer of possibility—a life away from all of this. London meant a chance to step away from the weight of everything. Away from Austin. Away from the sadness that had seeped into every corner of my life here. It could be a clean slate, a place where I wouldn’t be haunted by the memories of what I’d lost.
I turned to Aunt Mae and Luna, my heart still heavy, but a small spark of clarity surfacing. “Let me think about it,” I said quietly. “After the funeral.”
They both nodded, understanding in their eyes. Aunt Mae got to her feet first, heading toward the kitchen, while Luna lingered beside me.
She pulled me gently to the window, her hand warm on my arm as she pointed outside. “He’s out there,” she said.
I nodded. Austin had been sitting out there often lately, waiting. For what, I wasn’t sure—maybe for a chance to fixthings, maybe to be close. But he never came inside. He sat in his car, staring into the void.
“When you leave, let him know the date for the funeral?” I asked.
She gave me one last hug, squeezing tightly, before heading toward the door.
I watched as she walked across the yard, her steps purposeful. She knocked on Austin’s car window, and I saw him jump in surprise. His face fell when he realized it wasn’t me. Luna leaned down, speaking to him—presumably about the funeral—and he nodded furiously, his hands gripping the steering wheel like it was the only thing holding him together.
Then, as if he felt my gaze, he looked up at the window and locked eyes with me. For a moment, neither of us moved, held in place by all the words we hadn’t said. I held his gaze for a moment before I turned away and shut the blinds.
A part of me wondered if I was being too harsh. He had a disease, and he couldn’t help that his addiction was a part of him, but he was so unwilling to change for himself. He hid away all his problems behind some veil of perfection. I questioned everything. Was he actually at Jeremy’s house drinking that night? How long had this been happening?
All I knew for certain was one thing: my mother died, and he should’ve been there with me for the hours I wept in that sterile hospital room.
51
nova
“It was a beautiful service,” one of my mother’s cousins whispered to me as she gave me a kiss on the cheek.
It was raining, which would’ve otherwise pissed me off, but it was Mami’s favorite weather, so it felt fitting.
Everyone was headed to the reception room at a local restaurant that Aunt Mae and Luna helped set up, but I asked if Luna and I could meet them there in a bit. I wanted to stay with Mami for as long as I could before they buried her.
With the line of cars headed out of the cemetery, Luna came next to me with an umbrella. We were both in black dresses.
“I’m sorry,” Luna whispered and wrapped her arm around my lower waist.
“Me too,” I said softly. “Life is cruel. Beautiful people leave while so many ugly people get to stay.”
Luna looked around and then turned to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
I sighed. “He didn’t come,” I whispered.
My husband never showed up to my mother’s funeral. I kept waiting, watching the door of the church, expecting to see him walk in, but he never did. At first, I told myself he might’vegotten the times wrong, that maybe he’d show up at the grave site. I half hoped he would.
His coach came, his captain came, and even a few of the other guys showed up, offering their quiet condolences. But Austin? He never came. Not to the church. Not to the grave site. I searched for him in the crowd, but there was only an empty space where he should’ve been.
