Page 2 of Your Biggest Downfall
Tears stung the corners of my eyes, and Nova’s gaze softened as she looked at me. “Are your hands okay? Do you need to eat? Sometimes I get the shakes when I have too much coffee,” she said, gesturing to the cup on the table.
Only then did I notice my hands were trembling again and sweat beaded on my palms. I swallowed, a bitter taste rising in my throat as I realized I might need a drink sooner than I thought to steady myself.
“I’m fine,” I said, pulling my hands away, trying to deflect. “You’re probably right—just too much coffee.”
She nodded. “You can tell me anything, Austin. I’m here for you; I always will be.”
The words were comforting, yet somehow they tightened the ache inside me.
She’ll be here until she’s not... just like my mom.
“Thank you.” I looked at her notebook. “What do I need to get for the party tomorrow?”
Nova smiled and pulled open her notebook. “The party planner has most of it ready, but we need to focus on the food. I think we should…”
I tuned out and stopped listening to what she was saying. Nova was going to leave me, just like everyone else, and when she did, it would devastate me. I would never be important enough for her. I’d never be her number one. I couldn’t do this—allow myself to get close to her just for her to go.
I reached up and touched the fresh tattoo on my chest. Tears threatened to fall, and I stood up and grabbed my coffee.
“Sorry. I’ll be right back. Just... have to go to the bathroom.”
Nova’s brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”
I looked at my shaking hands. “Just too much coffee. You know how that goes.”
I turned and walked down the hallway toward the bathroom. The walls seemed to close in, the buzzing of my thoughts louder with each step. Pushing open the door, I slipped into one of the stalls, the quiet hum of the empty restroom somehow amplifying the storm inside me.
With shaky hands, I pulled the flask from my pocket, the cold metal biting against my sweaty palms. I unscrewed the cap and poured a little into my coffee, watching it mix, darkening the liquid like it was swallowing everything I couldn’t handle. Just a little. Just enough to quiet the ache, to numb the weight pressing down on me. I took a sip, the burn sliding down my throat, dulling the edges of everything that felt too sharp to face.
I leaned against the stall wall, and the tears I’d been holding back started to rise, pressing against the dam I’d built inside.Nova’s words echoed in my head—she said she’d always be there, that I was important. But I knew better. I knew those words, as much as I wanted to believe them, were fragile and would fade. She’d leave eventually; they all did. Better to let her go before she had the chance to look back and realize what a mistake it’d been to stay.
I looked down at the flask in my hand, the cold metal grounding me. I poured another small shot into my coffee, telling myself it was just to steady me, just to dull the ache enough to get through the day. This was all I had now, the only thing that would stay with me when everything else slipped away.
I took a deep breath, capped the flask, and shoved it back into my pocket. Forcing myself out of the stall, I splashed cold water on my face, letting it shock me back to reality. Staring at my reflection, I saw red-rimmed eyes and a clenched jaw—barely holding it together, but it would have to be enough. I straightened my shoulders, exhaled slowly, and walked back out into the cafe, pulling on a mask of composure.
Nova was waiting, and the sight of her, steady and patient, reminded me why I was doing this. I needed to get through the game and the party tomorrow. Just one day at a time, I told myself. I could bury everything else, just for a while longer.
The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, with Nova by my side, helping me check off each item on the endless list, making the whole process feel easier than I deserved. When it was finally time to say goodbye, I turned to her, managing a small, grateful smile.
“Thanks for all your help,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’ll see you at the party tomorrow.”
“Of course,” she said, her eyes lingering on me, a softness in her gaze that nearly broke the resolve I was trying so hard to hold together.
I nodded and turned away before the weight of that look could seep in too deep. I had to pull my head back in the game. I had to get through the party tomorrow, make sure Ledger was celebrated, and keep things from falling apart. I needed to go home, sleep off the dull headache already creeping in, and let the liquor carry me just far enough that I wouldn’t think about anything tonight.
I walked away, each step heavier, knowing that soon, I’d have to deal with the mess inside. Just... not tonight.
2
austin
One Year Later
“Austin Hart, got a second for an interview?” a paparazzo hollered outside the hockey arena as I slung my bag over my shoulder.
I’d just won the Conference quarterfinal game and was ready to get home. Yes, it was a big win, but I was spent.
“Yeah, man. Make it quick,” I snapped, barely hiding my exhaustion.
