Page 97 of Your Biggest Downfall
“Really?” She looked at my sports car, eyebrows raised.
“Yeah. I’m too fucked up—” I paused, catching her narrowed eyes. “Emotionally,” I quickly added.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll drive.”
She headed to the driver’s side while I finished the bread I’d been chewing. I blew into my cupped hand, checking for any lingering smell of booze. Luckily, my breath seemed fine.
I slid into the passenger seat as Nova adjusted herself behind the wheel. “Are you sure you’re okay? That was a lot. We can talk about it if you want...”
“No,” I sighed, leaning back and propping my feet on the dash. “Let’s get tacos.”
I gave her an address, hoping she’d understand that I needed silence more than conversation. And something to soak up the alcohol still swirling in my system.
As she pulled the car onto the road, I glanced back at my mom’s house as it faded into the distance.
“I think this’ll be the last time I see them for a while.”
40
austin
One Month Later
“Dude, how does it feel?” Jeremy asked.
We’d finished up our first on-ice practice of training camp, and the exhaustion was settling into my muscles. But that wasn’t what was weighing on me. It was everything else.
Nova and I had just celebrated our one-month anniversary last night, but life was back in full swing with hockey, and both of us were about to get incredibly busy.
I should’ve been ecstatic—new marriage, season starting—but instead, it was like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I wanted to be the best husband I could possibly be. Hell, she deserved that and more. I needed to prove myself, to be the man she needed, especially now. Her mom’s health was declining fast, and she was spending more time worrying than smiling.
It ate at me, this sense that I had to hold it all together, make her feel secure, make her feel like everything was going to be okay. But I didn’t know if it would be. And that terrified me.
“You good, man?” Jeremy’s voice broke through my thoughts.
All I could do was nod, my mind elsewhere—on her, on us, on trying to figure out how the hell I was going to juggle it all without being crushed.
“How does the ice feel?” Jer asked as we headed into the locker rooms.
I hadn’t had another sip of booze since my mom’s house, not because I was guilty but because I was busy. I was either with Nova, out at practice, or that need to escape was fulfilled by fucking her every single night, sometimes more than once.
“What?”
“Being officially back on the ice.”
I’d been at practice with the team throughout the summer, but it was more laid back. We tended to practice on the ice once a week and off the ice a few more during the offseason. Now, with training camp, that doubled, and we were back to our intense training sessions.
“It feels good, man.”
“You look good out there. Might have another chance at the Cup.”
“Eh.” I shrugged, not wanting to get my hopes up. “We’ll see.”
“Don’t cut yourself short.”
We rounded the corner and sat on the benches. The rest of the team had already gone out, but Jeremy stayed back to help me practice a little longer, so it was the two of us.
“What’re you up to tonight?” Jer asked.
