Page 110 of Your Biggest Downfall
“I didn’t go,” she said, shaking her head slightly. “I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car at the airport. I told the driver to take me to my parents’ house in the suburbs instead.”
“But you guys still talk?” I asked, confused as to how he was here now, trying to make sense of it.
She shrugged. “Not much anymore. In the beginning, we talked more, but we both moved on. Sometimes, with time, therapy, and life, people change, Nova. But often, when someone shows you who they are, they can’t change for you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, feeling a little lost in her explanation.
Iris sighed, turning her chair to gaze out at the arena below. “I mean, some people come into our lives to teach us a lessonor reveal a truth, but they’re not meant to stay forever. Peter’s a better man now, but that took years of facing hard truths and consequences for his actions. Even if he’s changed, I could never take him back because we’d fall right back into that toxic place.”
I was still unsure why she was sharing this deeply personal story with me. We weren’t close like that.
“And how does this relate to me?” I asked, searching for the connection.
“I’m telling you this because I want you to be sure,” she said, her voice soft but serious. “I want you to weigh your choices carefully.”
My first response was to lash out at her and tell her she didn’t know my life, but she was a reserved person, so telling me this story likely took a lot out of her. I wouldn’t allow myself to be put in that position though. Austin was a good man. He just had an illness he had gotten help for.
She turned around and gave me a soft smile. “Anyway, everyone is different. Peter is an amazing boss, and this is a fantastic opportunity. You deserve it, Nova.”
I did deserve it. I’d worked hard for this job. “Thank you.”
“I, uh, approved your budget request. You’ll find the billing invoice in your mailbox today. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend.”
I stood, giving a nod of appreciation. “Thank you,” I repeated, unsure of what else to say.
What was there really? Thanks for sharing something so personal with me?
As I left Iris’s office, the enormity of what just happened settled heavily. The choices I had to make weren’t just about work—they were about my entire life. Staying here meant staying with Mami, staying with Austin, staying tied to everything I’d built in Chicago. It meant choosing a life filledwith people I loved, even if that resulted in passing up this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
But was I choosing, or holding onto, what felt safe? I could keep working as an intern, hoping another once-in-a-lifetime chance would come my way, but would I even be able to take it then? Or would I still be tied to making decisions based on everyone else in my life instead of myself? I had to believe that staying was the right choice—at least for this moment.
47
austin
Thirty seconds left. That’s all the time left before the entire first game could blow up in my face. I could practically see the headlines already:
Disappointing Home Opener for the Ravens, Thanks to Hart and
His New Sobriety.
Has Hart’s Sobriety Started Costing Them Games?
I watched the puck bounce across the ice, feeling the weight of it all closing in.
The buzzer blared, signaling the end of the game. Three points down. I stood there on the ice, staring at it as the crowd’s cheers for the opposing team became a dull roar in the background. The sting of disappointment washed over me.
The silence between the moments of noise was deafening. My teammates skated off the ice in slow, defeated movements, their faces grim, shoulders slumped. No one spoke. No one neededto. The air was thick with unspoken frustration and exhaustion. We’d lost. Badly. And no one wanted to acknowledge it.
I followed them into the locker room, and inside, the silence was even more suffocating. Coach launched into a “You could have done better” speech, his voice flat but stern. I could hear him, but it was like I wasn’t there. His words seemed to float past me, muffled, barely registering.
All I could hear was the chaos inside my own head, louder than anything around me. The disappointment, the failure—it all pressed down, making it impossible to think about anything else.
I needed a drink. That familiar pull, the dark, gnawing urge, had crept back in. It had been quiet for weeks, ever since our trip to Michigan. Being with Nova had pushed it into the background—her presence, her laughter, her love had been enough to silence it. The weight of tonight’s failed game suffocated me, and the allure of drinking was screaming louder than ever.
“Wanna come over?” Jeremy asked once we were all dressed, his voice cutting through the fog in my mind.
“Nah,” I muttered, the ache growing in my chest.
