Page 115 of Your Biggest Downfall
“Yeah, she fucking was,” Nova spat. “Because she would never leave me the night my mom fucking died.”
She kept packing, her movements quick and purposeful, not even sparing me a glance. My heart continued to hammer in my chest while everything came crashing down on me all at once.
“What do you need? Let me help,” I pleaded, my voice frantic. “I’ll come with you.”
She shook her head, slinging the bag over her shoulder, the exhaustion written in every line of her face. “I need you to get the fuck out of my way so I can leave,” she said, her voice emotionless.
I grabbed her wrists, my touch desperate. “Let me help.” My voice was breaking.
She pulled away, pushing past me like I was nothing, like I wasn’t even there.
“Nova, please,” I begged, following her down the hallway. “Let me make this right. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I fucked up. What can I do?”
She turned with a deadpan expression. “You’re panicking about us, about this fucking relationship,” she spat. “But I just told you my mother is dead, and all you care about is fixingus? You fucking asshole.”
Her words hit their target. My heart sank, an ache spreading through my chest as I realized how badly I’d let her down.
“What can I do to help you?” I asked again. My hands trembled at my sides, and I couldn’t tell if it was because this conversation was sobering me or because I was nervous.
Nova stared at me, her eyes searching mine for a long, agonizing moment. Then, after what felt like an eternity, she swallowed hard and said, “Send me the divorce papers.”
The words hung in the air and my heart shattered into pieces.
50
nova
“Honey, you have a visitor,” Aunt Mae called from the front of the house.
I was stuck in my mom’s old bedroom. Since she spent most of her time in the family room, which we’d already tackled earlier this week, this room was filled with memories, knickknacks, and Mami’s clothes. Aunt Mae had told me we didn’t need to do this right away, especially since she’d be living in the house with me for a while.
I was slumped on the floor, my back pressed against Mami’s old wooden bed, staring at a photo of us from when I was a baby. We were at the beach, and Mami was laughing as I built a sandcastle. We looked so much alike—both with wild curly hair and wide, joyful smiles. That photo felt like a lifetime ago, back when things were simpler, before life became so cruel and unrecognizable.
I didn’t want to see whoever was in the house. I didn’t want to do anything except crawl into a hole and wait for my turn to see Mami again.
A soft knocking at the door pulled me from my thoughts. I glanced up and saw my boss, Iris. I vaguely remembered texting her—or was it Luna?—earlier in the week to let her know Iwouldn’t be coming to work. There were so many reasons I couldn’t face the world: I couldn’t get out of bed, and I didn’t know how to tell anyone I had asked Austin for a divorce.
“Hey,” Iris said gently as she stepped into the room.
I was sure I looked a mess—honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I showered.
“Hi. Sorry about work,” I mumbled, shrugging as I stood up and put the photo back in its place. “Can we go to the living room?” I didn’t want her in Mami’s room. It felt too personal, too intrusive.
“Of course.” She nodded and backed out of the room, and I reluctantly followed her.
I gestured to two chairs in the front room, and she sat down while I took the seat across from her.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” Iris said.
“Thank you.” I sighed, my eyes drifting toward the window. It was a beautiful day, the air crisp with fall, the trees outside painted in vibrant colors. I wondered what it felt like to bloom and then die, the way the leaves did.
“I’m not sure if this is the right time to bring it up, but there’s a rumor going around the locker room that I’ve heard.”
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on her words. “Oh, yeah?”
A week ago, I might have cared. I might have leaned in, excited to hear some locker room gossip. I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything. All I wanted was to crawl back into bed and shut out the world.
“You moved out of your apartment, which is why I came here,” she added.
