Page 121 of Your Biggest Downfall
I nodded.
“Tomorrow?”
Another nod.
His face twisted with desperation. “How am I supposed to show you I’m going to change?”
The remnants of his high were slipping away, his eyes darting to the girls in the room, the scene around us a joke.
I shrugged, reaching into my purse and pulling out the divorce papers I had already signed. I asked for nothing. Without a prenup, I could have demanded money, but I didn’t want anything from Austin—except to be free of him.
I placed the papers on the table between us. “I need you to sign these and let me go.”
He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. “I can’t,” he whispered, his voice breaking.
“You have to,” I said firmly, pushing the papers toward him. “I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t keep wondering where you are, nagging you about what you’re doing. I can’t live with the thought that you’ll fuck up again and invite another girl to do blow off her tits. I can’t wake up every morning wondering what disaster the day will bring because you can’t even make it through the night.”
I paused as the truth settled between us. “And you don’t deserve this either, Austin. You don’t deserve to be with someone who has to act like your mother, constantly cleaning up your messes, worrying if you’ll survive the night. You deserve a partner, not a caretaker. Someone who can stand beside you, notsomeone who has to pull you out of the pit every time you fall back in.”
He flinched at my words, but I pushed on. “Neither of us deserve this. We can’t keep pretending this is love when all it’s become is damage control. You don’t deserve to be trapped in this cycle of self-destruction, and I don’t deserve to be dragged down with you.”
A single tear slid down my cheek, but I didn’t wipe it away. “I can’t keep living in fear that one day you won’t wake up at all, that you’ll overdose or need something stronger to numb yourself. I can’t handle losing anyone else.”
“Please, Nova,” he cried, reaching out for me. His hands were cold, trembling as I held them in mine. “I still love you.”
I shook my head, turning away as the weight of it all pressed down on me. “I can’t do this anymore, Austin. Please don’t make me.”
I paused, searching for the right words. “I feel like I’ve been singing the lyrics to a song that I’ve forgotten the melody to.”
His voice wavered, desperate. “Wha—What do you mean?”
“This life has stripped away every bit of joy I once had, and I need to go find it again.”
He nodded, finally seeming to understand. His hands shook as he picked up the papers. “Will you come back?”
“No.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I can’t ever come back, Austin. I won’t be dragged back into the toxicity. You have years of healing ahead of you, and I can’t wait around, hoping you’ll figure it out. I don’t have that kind of time.”
“Can I at least call you?”
I shook my head again. “No. This is it, Austin.”
“I, uh.” Austin wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks. “I’ll get this signed and sent to your lawyer.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Luna had come down the hallway, a smile on her face as she looped her hand in mine. “You ready?” she asked, noting the papers on the table.
“Yes,” I said, smiling. “I think I am.”
I turned to go. “Nova?” Austin called out.
“Yeah?” I said as I glanced over my shoulder.
“Can you let me know if you got in okay? If you’re safe?”
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. “No.”
He swallowed hard. “Oh. Okay.” The words barely left his lips before he tentatively wrapped his arms around my waist.
