Page 32 of Your Biggest Downfall
I shook my head, running my fingers through my curls, tugging at them in frustration. His words hit so close to home. He was describing my feelings perfectly.
“Me too, Austin. I feel the pressure too, like I’m being pulled in a hundred different directions, yet no one actually wants me there. I’m always fucking second best at everything I do, and now I can’t even crush on a guy properly because here I am, in the back of a fucking bar, doing something illegal.” I let out a huge sigh. “I suck at even the easiest fucking things.”
Austin lifted his brows as his lips crawled into a smirk. “You have a crush on me?”
Of course I have a fucking crush on you.
From the moment he sat with me that night, I had a crush on him, but he was young and clearly wrapped up in his family drama. I felt bad now because all he wanted was to escape his life, and nagging him about drugs would likely only push him further away.
I decided to keep it light, so I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. “That’s what you got from that?”
Suddenly, his hands snaked around my middle, and he pulled my back against his broad chest. He gently tilted my chin up and to the side, and his lips brushed against my cheek. “It’s a small high. It helps me escape. I brought you here because I, too, may have a small crush on you and thought maybe you’d want to escape too.” His lips lingered against the soft skin of my cheek.
“I’ve never... done it,” I finally managed to say.
He caressed my chin while pulling at my waist, spinning me so we were chest to chest.
“Watch me do it first, then try a little bump if you want to. I promise to keep you next to me the whole time. I’m warning youthough, I probably won’t be able to keep my hands off you.” He winked.
“How long does it last?” I asked.
“A little bump? Maybe twenty minutes.” He shrugged.
I looked up, and we were so close, our lips were playing thisWill you, won’t youdance with each other.
“Tell me why. Give me a reason.” My pulse pounded in my ears. “I just need to know your why.”
He shook his head, his finger gripped tight on my hips. “I learned last year that my mother was raped. I was the product of the assault. I always thought my dad was just too young and didn’t want me, but I learned that I have the DNA of a rapist.” His voice broke.
My hands flew behind his neck, pulling us closer. That was why he was stressed that night.
“No. Austin. You are nothing like that sperm donor,” I told him. “I didn’t know my dad growing up either. He left us when my mom was so young, and I often thought of how, one day, I’d do the same thing as him. I’d just pack up and leave because I shared the same blood he did.”
“And?” he asked, his eyes searching mine for answers I wasn’t even sure I had.
“And, I don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll leave everyone I love because I’m selfish, but I’m not this ghost of someone who donated his DNA to me. You are not yours.”
“I only do this during the offseason if I’m having a shit day, I promise. After the loss, I had to come up to the press box, but I wanted to wallow alone.”
“I get that,” I said honestly. “I do.”
Our confessions hung in the quiet that followed, making everything feel more intense. This moment might offer a brief escape from that heaviness, but it also terrified me. Everything about tonight scared me.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he whispered, leaning down toward me.
“Why?” My eyes went wide with my question.
“Because I need to feel something real. And I think you do too.”
His lips hovered inches from mine, his breath warm on my skin. He slid his hand up to cup my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. Tension coiled inside me, a mix of fear and desire that left me trembling.
My heart pounded as our lips finally met. The kiss was slow and tentative at first, a hesitant exploration of newfound territory. But as the seconds ticked by, it deepened, growing more urgent, more insistent.
The moment he moaned, I was lost. Lost in the moment, in what he was giving me. I wanted more. I wanted more of him, and he could give it to me.
I pulled away, my eyes fluttering open. “I’ll do a small line,” I said softly, and a smile crept onto his lips.
“Are we going to talk about how that kiss was fucking earth shattering? That I would drop to my knees and beg you to do it again if I had to?” he asked.
