Page 51 of Your Biggest Downfall
“No.”
“I don’t get it then,” I said.
“I’m telling you that I love you—your mother loves you—but we do not and cannot allow this behavior in our house. You need to go to rehab and get better.”
I shook my head as I got up and headed toward the door. “I’m not a fucking addict, Ledger. I heard stories about your past. I know you used to party?—”
Ledger stood up so quickly his metal chair flew out behind him. “Enough,” he commanded. His tone was so firm that I stopped dead in my tracks. “Yes, I partied, but I never did the shit you’ve done. I had friends who went to sex parties and had a good time, but nothing like what you’re fucking doing.”
“And what is it exactly that I’m doing?” I barked back.
Ledger Cole didn’t know me. There was a difference between telling me he loved me versusshowingme he loved me. He didn’t. He was pushing me away.
“You’re an addict, Austin. This isn’t the first time. Your mom told me you’ve been struggling?—”
I threw my hands in the air and walked to the door, opening it. Security was waiting, presumably to escort me to the car that would take me to rehab.
I turned and looked at Ledger. “Tell my mom to enjoy the family she always wanted.”
Before he could respond, I walked out, slamming the door behind me. I moved down the hallway in silence, not saying a word. The guards had taken my phone, and I let out a bitter laugh. Last night with Nova had been the best night of my life, and this morning was the worst.
She’d figure out where I was going—her boss had probably already spoken to her about it. She’d understand I wasn’t just ditching her, but there was still something inside me itching to finish the conversation we never got to have. She deserved answers.
I closed my eyes, desperate for a taste of alcohol. My nose itched for a bump, and shame clawed at me for how everything had gone down with Nova. I glanced down at my boots as the guards opened the back door to the arena. An overly sunny day greeted me, ironic considering how dark I felt inside.
I inhaled deeply as I stared at the blacked-out Escalade waiting for me. They escorted me inside quickly, likely to avoid any curious eyes. I hated this shit. I didn’t want to go to this program. I had no idea what to expect. I had never done anything like this alone. My own mother didn’t have the audacity to show up, instead sending her husband. She was crying all morning, according to Ledger, but what about me? I cried all night in front of Nova’s door because I put her in a foul position. She deserved so much more than I was giving her, but somehow, I wasn’t sure if rehab was going to show me to be better for me. I had no idea how I was going to survive thirty days.
Fuck. I wasn’t an addict, but Nova’s words echoed in the back of my mind. I needed to do this to save my career and any potential of her being in my life in the future. She was so determined and demanding when she told me what to do this morning. When she answered the door, she was different from the person crying last night—strong, powerful, and so fuckingsexy. So I was going to do this for Nova. I’d do it for her because she told me to.
I wasn’t an addict, but I was addicted to Nova Thatcher.
21
nova
The entire day passed in a numb haze, as if yesterday hadn’t happened or like it wasn’t affecting me at all. I went through the motions—picking up Iris’s dry cleaning, grabbing her lunch, running her errands—but it all felt distant, as though I was watching someone else live my life. Iris had specifically requested I complete those tasks at the same time as the meeting with Austin. Initially, I was annoyed. I should have been in that meeting, there to reassure him that he was going to be okay and that he needed to go. But by the time I returned to the arena, I found myself oddly grateful for Iris having given me the trivial errands, which had kept me distracted. After our conversation earlier, I realized she knew what was going on, and that was her way of keeping me out of the meeting.
Luna kept texting me, checking in, asking how I was feeling. I kept responding with the same word: fine. I was fine. Numb, but fine. The truth was, I didn’t want to dig any deeper. If I did, I was afraid of what I might find. So I kept it all at arm’s length, pretending that everything was normal, that nothing had changed.
But while I was waiting in line for Iris’s lunch order, I caved and checked social media. I couldn’t help myself. I scrolledthrough the comments on a few posts, seeing the buzz around Austin, the speculation, the opinions flying left and right. No one knew it was me. They had no idea who the girl in the photo was, and for a moment, a twisted sense of relief washed over me.
But that relief was fleeting. The numbness crept back in, and I put my phone away, forcing myself to focus on the task at hand. It was easier to pretend everything was fine when I didn’t have to confront the reality lurking beneath the surface.
As I handed over Iris’s lunch and coffee, I pasted on a smile, trying to convince myself as much as anyone else that I was okay. That I was fine. But deep down, I was biding my time, waiting for the inevitable crash when the numbness would wear off and I’d have to face the fallout of everything that had happened.
Iris was behind her desk.
“Everything is set. I’ll go ahead and see you Tuesday.”
According to our contracts, we were to be given a mandatory day off the next day since we’d had a crisis. So, I was going to take tomorrow to see Mami. She didn’t know what was happening with work, only that I had texted her and Aunt Mae that there was a crisis and I wouldn’t be there, yet again.
“No.” Iris’s stern tone shocked me.
“No?” I asked.
“Come here.”
I was in the twilight zone. She never asked me to approve or look at what she put out. I knew it had to have been the statement. I wanted to ask how Austin took it at the meeting, but I didn’t want to pry.
