Page 66 of Your Biggest Downfall
He chuckled. “I have a mom. I know what ‘it’s fine’ means.”
I closed my eyes and stopped kicking, letting his hands hold me up.
“If I put you down, will you promise not to bolt to your car,” he begged.
I weighed my options here, but as stubborn as I was, Austin was the same. “Okay. I promise.”
He carefully put me on the ground, and I spun around so we were facing each other. Cars sped underneath us, and people walked around us, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they, too, felt the same crackling energy radiating between Austin and me.
“I came here from my meeting. Iris told me your mom was sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“That was nice of you. Thank you.” I was earnest in my response.
“I sent you a letter,” he said softly.
I nodded. “I know.”
“You got it, then?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He took a step toward me, and I took one step backward.
“Austin—”
“No,” he said. “I won’t let you walk away from the conversation we needed to have a month ago. You can’t change the subject or escape this one?—”
“Isn’t that ironic.” I chuffed. “That’s what your whole thing was about, wasn’t it? Wanting to escape? Now you’re telling me I can’t escape from this conversation?—”
“You can’t,” he said assuredly. “Because I learned in rehab that we can’t run from things that are hard. I need to have this conversation even if the entire situation ends in a period. If there’s nothing further than us going back to friends, I need it for my sobriety. I need to make amends.”
That hit me right where he intended because I saw his mental illness and addiction to alcohol the same as I viewed my mom’s cancer. I would do anything to help him get better, because regardless of what he did to me, his intentions were understandable.
“What do you need?” I threw my hands on my hips indignantly.
“Let me take you out.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to go on a date.”
“Not a date. Just a place I like to go to in the summer.”
I looked behind me at the looming hospital. “I can’t leave my mom for long.”
“This might be pushing it, but it’s only noon. If I bring you back tomorrow morning straight to your mom’s house, would you trust me?”
Overnight? Absolutely not. “No, Austin. I can give you the day, but I can’t spend the night with you.”
“Fine, that’s fine. I’ll bring you back tonight,” he said, his eyes searching mine with a hint of desperation.
I hesitated. “Are you sober?” I asked. “I’m not going anywhere if you’re planning on taking me to a party or something. I’m trying to get better, and I’ve realized that partying isn’t for me. I want an escape, but not like that...”
I felt guilty for saying it—it’s not like he chose to be an addict. It was part of him, but I needed to set boundaries for myself. I couldn’t keep pleasing others at the expense of my own well-being, which included not being around him if he was using.
“No, I’m sober.” He assured me, pulling out his thirty-day chip from his wallet. “Thirty days.”
I glanced at the chip before he pocketed it.
“I’ve done everything you asked, Nova. I’m doing this to be a better person for you.”
