Page 18 of Heal You
“Women just have more respect, don’t they?”
Morgan wanted to agree with Jan, but based on recent experience with Amanda, she couldn’t.“I’d like to say so, but…Amanda.”
“Is she not maybe an exception?”Jan wrinkled her nose, and Morgan had to wonder why Jan was asking these questions.She almost seemed hopeful that Amanda was the exception.
“Most of us are genuine.Most of us don’t fuck around behind someone’s back.I certainly don’t, and I know Finn never would either.”
“Tell me about Amanda.Something must have drawn you to her.”
Morgan puffed out her cheeks, then emptied the last of her wine down her throat.“You want me to be completely honest?”Jan nodded.“I’m attracted to older women, and that’s precisely what she was.I just find it hard to connect with people my own age.They all have a wandering eye.Amanda wanted to fuck, and she wanted to have fun.It worked perfectly for me at the time because I wasn’t looking for anything serious.”Morgan hoped that didn’t make her sound like a player.“Like I said, I struggle to find the time for a relationship.If I’m in, I’mallin.I can’t give someone my all when I work as much as I do.”
Jan gazed back at Morgan with the most beautiful smile spread on her lips.“How old was she?”
“Fifty-two.”Morgan wasn’t the kind of person to give a fuck about someone’s age…provided they weren’t younger than her.“Look, women are exceptional.I adore every last thing about them.Throw in a good fifteen years or more experience than what I have, and I’m putty in their hands.”
“And now I understand why Finn was so insistent with Gillian.”Jan laughed, but then her smile faded again.“Does it make me a terrible person to feel jealous about them?”
“What exactly are you jealous of?”
“That my best friend has a woman in her life who loves her more than anything in this world.That they have that love a lot of people can only dream of…me included.”
“You didn’t have that love with your husband?”
Jan shook her head lightly.“No.Phil was a wonderful husband, he really was, but when it came to romance and that kind of thing, he just didn’t bother.Sadly, I’m only just realising all his faults and failures as a husband.I chose to look past it all, and now I find myself in this position.”
“I’m sorry.”Morgan lay a hand on Jan’s knee and regarded her with the slightest of smiles.“I guess we all want something to last, and when it doesn’t, you look back on things differently.”
“Hindsight and all that.”
“I guess so, yeah.”Morgan hoped Jan wouldn’t regret her marriage.For the most part, it must have been enough for her.She would have left before now if that hadn’t been the case.
As Jan placed her hand over Morgan’s, her eyes suddenly lit up when the track on Morgan’s sound system changed.Morgan didn’t recognise it, but Jan did, and she was tugging on Morgan’s hand as she got to her feet.“Dance with me.I love this song.”
Morgan wanted nothing more than to dance with Jan, but this song—God, this slow,achingsong—wasn’t making it easy.Her hands twitched at her sides, struggling to know what to do.She would never overstep,neverpush, but every encounter with Jan lately seemed to leave Morgan feeling conflicted.Was there something there?A hint of something unspoken?The questions Jan had been asking tonight had her head spinning, yet here she was, following her into the middle of her living room.
Jan’s arm slid around Morgan’s waist, her fingers clutching possessively at her side.She took Morgan’s hand, said nothing, and hummed along to the track as she rested her head against Morgan’s shoulder.The warmth of her cheek seeped through the fabric of Morgan’s shirt, and all Morgan could do was surrender to the moment.Forget what she, herself, wanted.Janneededthis comfort.That was enough.
But then Jan lifted her head.Her blue eyes locked onto Morgan’s with a sadness so raw that it ached deep in Morgan’s chest.That smile, soft but worn,almostundone her.This woman…she didn’t deserve any of this pain.Her husband’s affair had shattered her, and Morgan hated him for it.
Lifting her hand, Morgan brushed her knuckles gently across Jan’s cheek.God, she was beautiful tonight.She’s beautiful every night.The way Jan’s arm lingered around her waist, her fingertips grazing lazily across the small of her back—it was driving Morgan insane.She swallowed hard, her voice barely above a whisper.“Don’t ever think less of yourself because of him, okay?”
Jan’s lip quivered, and then her eyes closed as though she was warring with herself.“Morgan…”
“Talk to me,” Morgan urged.“What’s going through your head?”
Jan’s long lashes fluttered as she opened her eyes, her gaze flickering to Morgan’s lips before she took her own between her teeth for a very brief moment.Fuck, that was sexy.“I shouldn’t say.”
Morgan tilted her head, cupping Jan’s chin with a cautious touch.If she was reading this situation wrong, she had to know she could lie her way out of it.“You can tell me anything.No judgment.Ever.”
Jan closed the sliver of space between them, pressing herself against Morgan.Her stare became intense, as though she’d finally decidedsomething.“That night…when I came up here with you.You said you’d admired me.”
“Yeah.I did say that.”
“Did you mean it?”Jan’s voice was small but steady.
“Every word.”
Jan’s brow furrowed.“Why?What could you possibly see in me?”
