Page 122 of The Secrets of the Tea Garden
Josey offered her a cigarette. Adela shook her head, watching nervously as Josey lit up one for herself.
‘Adela, sweetheart,’ said Tilly, her eyes full of compassion. ‘You’re making yourself ill with this business about the baby. We can’t bear to see you like this.’
‘I’m not ill,’ Adela said, feeling suddenly agitated. ‘I’m fine.’
‘No, you’re not,’ said Josey, blowing out smoke. ‘And neither is Sam.’
‘That’s got nothing to do with you,’ Adela snapped.
‘It has,’ Josey said bluntly. ‘He’s our friend too.’
Adela gripped her hands in her lap to stop them from shaking. She looked at Tilly for help.
‘Adela,’ said Tilly, ‘you know I love you like a daughter but I can’t stand by and see you suffer in this way. I’ve done what I can to trace the Segal boy – if it was the Segal boy that I rescued – but I’ve found nothing. It’s just the bloody awfulness of war.’
‘But you’ll keep trying?’ Adela asked, panic rising in her chest.
Tilly shook her head. ‘If I thought it would do any good I would. But it’s not. It’s making you ill and it’s turning you into ...’
‘What?’ Adela whispered.
‘Into someone you’re not,’ said Tilly gently. ‘You are the most generous, warm-hearted girl I know – you used to be so fun-loving. But this obsession with finding your baby has changed you. I wouldn’t have imagined you could be so callous to poor Sam.’
‘Sam?’ Adela croaked. A wave of anger and humiliation engulfed her.
‘Yes, Sam,’ Josey repeated. ‘There’s precious little hope of you ever finding your son – and even if you did, you’d never be prepared to see him live with anyone else but you, would you? No matter what his circumstances, you’d be prepared to barge into his life as if you were the only one entitled to have him.’
‘That’s Sam talking,’ said Adela, her eyes stinging.
‘And he’s right,’ said Josey, not denying it. ‘But you risk losing your husband over this too. Can’t you see that?’
Adela was going to protest but bit back the denial. She knew in her heart that Josey might be right.
‘I’ll work things out with Sam,’ Adela insisted, ‘just as soon as he comes back from his mother’s.’
‘This has nothing to do with MrsJackman,’ Josey said with impatience. ‘It’s you who is pushing Sam away.’ Josey ground out her cigarette and leant across the table. ‘He’s thinking of going back to India, Adela.’
‘India?’ Adela gasped. ‘He’s never said anything—’
‘He’s tried to but you’re not listening,’ Josey replied. ‘Wake up, Adela. Sam’s prepared to go back to India without you because he thinks you don’t love him any more.’
‘But that’s not true,’ Adela protested, her heart pounding like it would burst.
‘I hope not,’ said Josey, ‘but that’s how it seems to Sam.’
Adela could see that Josey was angry but it was the look of disappointment on Tilly’s face that upset her the most.
‘You seemed such a happy couple,’ said Tilly. ‘I thought you had a real love-match. But it’s no good just being in love with someone – that doesn’t always last. The real test comes when things get tough; that’s when you find out if you really care for each other.’ A look of regret flitted across her face. ‘Not that James and I have been very successful at that.’
Adela thought she might be sick. Had she really been so awful to Sam? Was this single-minded pursuit of finding John Wesley purely selfish indulgence on her part? It couldn’t be! She was doing this for her son’s sake, trying to make up for abandoning him at birth.
‘Do you really love Sam?’ Tilly asked gently.
Adela’s eyes flooded with tears. She bowed her head, unable to speak.
Josey gave a sigh of impatience. ‘Stop chasing an impossible dream of being a mother to John Wesley and go and talk to Sam before it’s too late.’
Adela pushed back her chair and rose on shaky legs. ‘I’m sorry—’ Her throat was too tight to utter another word. Unable to stand another moment in that kitchen, she hurried blindly from the room.
