Page 65 of The Secrets of the Tea Garden
‘I’m not jealous,’ Adela protested. ‘It was me who encouraged Sam to get in touch with his mother.’
‘Aye, it was; but that doesn’t mean you don’t see each other as rivals for his love,’ said Lexy. ‘What you should remember is that your lad, Sam, has a big heart and enough love for you both. And he’s daft about you. Anyone can see that.’
Adela felt her eyes sting with tears. She thought wistfully of how happy and in love they had been in India, when the prospect of returning to England together had felt like an adventure. ‘I don’t know. I haven’t been nice to him recently. I’ve turned into this nagging, short-tempered hag and I know I’m being unkind but I can’t help saying things. He doesn’t deserve it ...’
‘You’re both a bit at sea,’ said Lexy, ‘but things will settle down once you’ve found your feet here. You’re doing your best with the café and Sam’s getting more photography work now, isn’t he?’
‘A bit but not much,’ said Adela. ‘I feel like I’ve dragged him halfway round the world for nothing.’
‘So you’ve found out nowt about the bairn?’ Lexy asked.
Adela shook her head. ‘I’ve written to the missionary society who arranged the adoption but heard nothing. I’m just going off the address on that piece of paper I signed, so I don’t even know if they’ve got my letter. Maybe they won’t tell me anything even if they do know where John Wesley was placed.’ Adela felt her throat constrict as tears flooded her eyes. ‘I just keep imagining him in some awful orphanage or institution where no one really cares for him and they’re strict and leave him to cry himself to sleep—’
‘Stop torturing yersel’, hinny,’ Lexy remonstrated. ‘It’s just as likely that he’s with a canny family who love him and are giving him the best start in life he could have. That’s all you can ask for, isn’t it?’
Adela gave her friend an anguished look. ‘But I want more than that, Lexy. I want to hold him in my arms and ask him to forgive me for abandoning him. I can’t be like Sam’s mother and live with years of guilt. I want to be a mother to him.’
Lexy’s look was pitying. ‘You know that’s never likely to happen, lass. Even if they know where he is, you have to be prepared that they might never let you see him. Are you prepared to lose him all over again?’
Adela’s heart ached. ‘But at least I wouldknow. It’s the not knowing what’s happened to him that is breaking my heart.’
‘What does Sam say?’ Lexy asked.
Adela gave an unhappy shrug. ‘He knows I’m trying to find out about my boy but we don’t really speak about it – there’s precious little time to talk about anything these days. All I know is that he wants us to have our own child.’
‘That’s to be expected,’ said Lexy. ‘Surely that’s what you want an’ all?’
‘Of course it is,’ said Adela. ‘But nothing’s happening on that front. Not that we get much time for baby-making these days. We’re up at the crack of dawn to get to the market while there’s still something to buy – and at night we just fall into bed, dog-tired.’
‘Well, make time,’ said Lexy.
‘I know we should,’ sighed Adela. ‘But it’s not just that. I can’t think about another baby when all my thoughts are with John Wesley. I thought time would make my longing for him lessen but it’s quite the opposite. And I know Sam would love him too. Once we find him, all our quarrelling will stop. Sam would make such a wonderful dad to John Wesley.’ She gave Lexy a pleading look. ‘Can’t you help me, Lexy? You used to know some of the people from that missionary church, didn’t you?’
‘No, not really,’ said Lexy. ‘It was the minister at the seamen’s mission who knew them. I never met any of ’em – except the two wiveswho came to take the bairn away and I can’t remember what they were called.’
‘I could ask the minister then?’ Adela’s hope flared.
Lexy shook her head. ‘Poor man went down on a ship during the War.’
Adela felt leaden. ‘Is there no one you can think of who would know about the adoption? There must be someone I can ask!’
Lexy said, ‘Don’t fret, hinny. You might hear back from the folk at the adoption society before long. These things tak’ time. And I’ll gan and have a word with Maggie – see if she remembers what them lasses from the church were called. Mind you, her memory’s not what it was.’
Adela thought with affection of Lexy’s friend Maggie who had taken her in when she was pregnant and homeless. Maggie, with a passion for purple and an earthy sense of humour, had given Adela sanctuary and helped bring John Wesley into the world. The Cullercoats cottage where Maggie had cared for the elderly Ina had also been John Wesley’s first brief home and a safe haven for Adela at a traumatic time.
‘How is Maggie?’ asked Adela. ‘I’ve called round a couple of times to the cottage but she’s never in.’
‘She’s hard o’ hearin’,’ said Lexy. ‘Bang louder next time. She doesn’t gan far these days.’
‘I will,’ said Adela. ‘The next time I get a spare minute.’
Lexy gave her a direct look. ‘The next time you get a spare minute, you spend it with that man of yours and have a bit o’ fun. Promise me you will?’
Adela gave a tired smile. ‘Okay, I promise.’
On Sunday, heeding Lexy’s advice and encouraged by Tilly, Adela and Sam borrowed Tilly’s car and drove out west beyond the city outskirts and into the countryside. It was a blustery April day of scudding cloudsand sudden bursts of tepid sunshine. The winter seemed to have lasted forever. For one day, Adela determined she wasn’t going to worry about blighted potatoes or the lack of supplies of bread or cheese for the café. She didn’t want to think of the café at all.
They had a picnic packed and a tartan rug. Sam whistled as he drove, his battered pork-pie hat – the fourth one he had owned since Adela had first known him – perched at a rakish angle on the back of his head.
