Page 50 of Fatally Yours
“Yeah,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I was planning on asking you before… you know.” Without realizing it, I balled my fists until August gave me a concerned expression as I almost crushed his bones to dust.
Randy Clark took that chance away from me. He took everything away from me. I could never have an average life because of his reckless actions. All of this was his fault, and whatever revenge we would enact would be a just punishment for the multitude of lives he ruined. Not just mine, not just August’s, but his other victims as well.
“What would’ve been your answer?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “It would’ve been yes.”
“I’m glad.” His dimpled smile made my chest ache, or maybe it was the storm of emotion swirling in my head. A lump formed in my throat, and I had to bite down on my tongue to stop the torrent of sorrow that was threatening to spill from my eyes. It was my dream, so why did I feel so crushed?
Because I couldn’t have it.
“We could’ve invited your parents, your family. Hell, maybe I’d call up my folks, even if they can’t stand the sight of each other,” he said with a soft smile. “Mandy, Wes, Scotty, maybe even Devin, so I could rub it in his fuckin’ face.” Digging my nails into my palm, I thought about how badly I wished I could feel pain so I could distract myself from how much I wanted to bury my face in his chest and mourn what could’ve been.
“And Nick Nelly and Chappy’s entire crew, if you wanted,” he added. I tried desperately to keep my stare out the window so he couldn’t see the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. Yes, it was a beautiful dream, wasn’t it? All our friends and family at our little wedding, celebrating our love and beginning our journey into the future. It was a dream I could never have.
“And you’d look like a goddess in your dress. Your dad would walk you down the aisle even though he thinks I’m a bum. You’d be crying, and I’d hold your hand—” I let out a small sob as I tore my hand out of his, covering my face as my emotions overflowed. My chest felt like I was weighed downwith stones as I tried and failed to stop my outburst. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his shoulders fall as the tires scraped along the shoulder.
“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, running his hand through my hair as I continued to weep. “It might not be our dream wedding, but I will marry you. That’s not changing.Ever.” I sucked in a steadying breath, trying to stop the eruption of tears. After a few moments, I felt the burden lift from my body, and I wiped my face with the back of my hand as we journeyed on.
“Can we stop somewhere? I need a break from… thinking.” I wanted to sayliving, but that felt too vulgar.
“Of course.”
XXIV
Shortly after my request, we pulled up to a dingy motel. August put the car in park and led us inside. The stretch between home and Pine Bluff was littered with different places like this. When we walked in, the man behind the counter gave us a puzzled look, and I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept my gaze anywhere but towards him. I was sure seeing such a strange-looking couple at this hour was unusual.
August muttered something about how we were on our way to visit relatives with his usual charismatic charm. I stayed silent as the attendant eyed us, but ultimately, he made no comments and gave us a key to one of the fewrooms they had.
Now we were lying in bed, our hands entwined, staring up at the rotating ceiling fan. My eyes followed the whirling blades. Its repetition did nothing to quell my swirling thoughts, only making things worse as I thought about everything ripped away from me and the person who caused it all.
“Where are we going to stay after we kill Randy?” I muttered, fixing my gaze on the ceiling. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn to me with a mischievous smirk.
“I thought you said you needed a break from thinking.” After what seemed like forever, I tore my gaze away.
“I can’t sleep if I have something on my mind, you know that,” I said, squeezing his hand. “So tell me, what are we doing after we kill him?”
“We’re killing him now? Before it was justconfront,” he grinned. Despite his jovial expression, I couldn’t find the same joy. Discussing death was never a pleasant conversation, and yet, the emotion I usually would have felt evaded me. Positive, negative, there was nothing. This was just as automatic as breathing used to be. It was necessary to return some semblance of the happiness we once had.
“Yes. We’re killing him.” My profound tone made him snicker. “But after. I want to know what happens after.” He brushed his thumb over my knuckles, sending a heat to my chest. Somehow, my cold, dead heart still felt for him, even if I couldn’t find the same humanity for others who wronged us.
“It’s not hard to disappear, especially down here. We could find a place off the books and do odd jobs. It might be rough for a bit, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.”
“Yeah…”
“Or we could just rob people and be on the run.” I gave him a pointed look as his devilish smile faded. “But I know you want a normal life. Well, as normal as we’re going to get when we’re dead.” A sigh slipped from my lips.
“I never thought I would hear those words in my life.”
“Well, that’s still technically true,” he said with a grin. I couldn’t help but return the gesture as I smacked him on the arm playfully, feeling myself go back to normalcy, no matter how brief it would be. Once we were on the road and at the mercy of the highway, I wasn’t sure I could maintain mypositivity. I had to take what I could get while I could. Then, hopefully, once this was over, I could return to that.Wecould go back to that.
“And once we’re comfortable again, I’ll ask you to marry me,” he continued. As much as that should’ve made me happy, it didn’t. A somber feeling settled in my mind. What came after marriage? Children. And I was dead. I couldn’t have children. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I tried my hardest to swallow the lump in my throat.
“What’s haunting you?” he questioned, his face pinching with concern.
“I wanted kids… with you…” As soon as I spoke, he looked away. It was the most guilty I had ever seen him in both life and death. His actions would follow him for eternity. I continued, even if it wrenched the very soul from my body to do so.
“You’d be a wonderful dad. You’d be a pain in the ass, but I’d love you, regardless. And the kids would love you…” My voice wavered. “And you’d sing them to sleep with your music, even if it was a little morbid. Then we would grow old together and die happy.” His guilty gaze fell on me.
