Page 104 of Ony If It's You
“I don’t have an appetite.” I sniffled.
I hadn’t stopped crying since Javyous left. Granny had gotten the twins situated and in bed for me and I was grateful. I felt horrible knowing that not only had they witnessed me and their father fighting, but they heard JV and me arguing too. Jocey was upset and crying when he left too, Si was just quiet. He hadn’t said one word since we had made it back home.
“Well, that doesn’t matter. You’re pregnant. You have to eat.”
“She’s right, bestie. You have to eat something,” Celeste added.
She sat beside me rubbing her hand up and down my back. She’d come over as soon as she got off work. She helped Granny with the twins before coming to force me out of my room. I had the door locked, but she picked the lock and got inside. I side eyed her trying to figure out where she learned that from.
“I ate something earlier.”
“Well, it’s later, now eat.” Granny had posted up beside me with her hand propped on her hip. “There is no need for you to be pouting. All of this is your fault.”
“My fault?” I asked incredulously. “How?”
“Because you don’t know how to let things go.”
“Si left his iPad, Granny, we had to go back.”
“Oh please.” She waved me off. “That boy has more gidgets and gadgets in this house than he will be able to play with in a lifetime. You went back because you wanted to say something to that man.”
“And I’m wrong for wanting to check him for disrespecting me?”
“Yes, when your man specifically said to let him handle the situation,” she answered. “You’re so used to handling things on your own because it’s just been you and the kids for so long, but it’s not like that for you anymore, baby. You have to let that man lead.”
Like I had been all day, I was crying. I was feeling so many emotions in that moment that all I could do was cry. It was frustrating because my intentions were good. Yeah, I was pissed that not only would he disrespect me, but to our kids? Yeah, he had me fucked up so I said something. I hadn’t intended to open a pandora’s box of bullshit.
“I was just trying to deescalate the situation before it got out of hand,” I argued through tears.
“Again, it wasn’t your place, Lani baby. Look at all that has happened today. The kids saw their father put his hands on you and their stepfather put hands on him.”
“I didn’t know that was going to happen!”
“Kehlani, you know Javyous better than all of us, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that man isn’t about to play with or about you. You’re pregnant with his child, you knew he was going to act a fool.”
“Right, friend, and also you know what happened to his career when he damn near killed that man in the ring, imagine if a street fight was recorded and put out there for the world to see. I can just see the articles now,” Celeste added.
Now I really felt like shit. Those weren’t the plans that I had at all. All I wanted to do was keep the peace, but instead I ended up making things worse for all of us.
“Were the twins okay?” I asked changing the subject.
“Yeah, but you and JV will need to sit down and talk to them.”
Nodding, I reached for my phone to see if he had at least called or texted me back, but to no avail. All of my efforts had gone unanswered and to make matters worse it was almost one in the morning. I knew he was mad, but I didn’t think that he would leave and not respond to me at all when he was gone.
I knew that I wasn’t going to eat and I felt tears welling up in my eyes again, so I excused myself from the kitchen. My granny and best friend were calling after me, but I ignored them and kept my trek to our bedroom. I was too deep in my feelings to be around anyone. All I wanted to do was shower and sleep. I stripped out of my clothes and took a hot shower. When I got out I dressed in one of JV’s t-shirts, climbed in bed, and cried myself to sleep.
In the middle of the night, I felt the bed dip down then I smelled the faint scent of his cologne. My eyes popped opened and I saw him seated on the edge of the bed.
“Baby.” I rushed from under the cover toward him until I was directly behind him.
He had turned on a lamp on the end table so I could see the stress all over his face. I also noticed the plate of food that was in his hand.
“Granny said you won’t eat.”
His voice, it was so… sad. I had never heard Javyous feel so defeated. Suddenly I felt even worse than I did before.
“Baby.” Rounding his body, I climbed into his lap and lifted his head in my hands so that I could look into his eyes. That was when I saw all of the tension and strain all over his face. “Javyous, what’s wrong? I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean?—”
