Page 11 of The Boardroom: Cassidy
Chapter Six-Eliza
There are days when I feel like Maggie is dragging behind me when I walk her, and there are other days where I feel like she is the one walking me, dragging me across streets and around corners until I wake up. And today was one of those days.
I wasn’t even paying attention to where I was anymore as I walked her through the evening streets of downtown Seattle, her tail wagging as we passed coffee shops and souvenir vendors. The evenings here were a delightful time, full of people getting off of work and meeting their friends for drinks or dinner, or even indulging in a bit of shopping. There were times when I was jealous of my beagle, and that’s when I knew things were bad—I envied her ability to strut through the streets, her tail wagging without a care in the world.
I was a little bit too busy in my own head to have the same attitude at the present moment. I was shifting back and forth, to and fro between two states of emotion, and it was making me dizzy.
The first state was guilt, and all the labels that came with it. Cheater. Whore. Slut. Bad fiancée. Bad person. Morally backwards. This feeling was a punch in the gut, and Ben’s horrified face was usually in the background of it.
The second feeling was a little bit lower than my gut. It was arousal and excitement, the constant playback of that kiss, over and over until it made me dizzy. I still couldn’t believe I had done it, and still couldn’t understand why. I supposed it was that same spirit that had possessed me when I drove out to Seattle in the first place—that desperate need to break free before the doors closed on me forever.
What I did know is that I wanted Cassidy like I had never wanted anyone else: that same spirit that had possessed me earlier had wanted to push him down onto the floor of that supply closet and take it even further. Which was ridiculous. I was saving myself for Ben. I couldn’t. It was a mistake, and I couldn’t take it any further. I’d have to go home and face the consequences.
But not yet. The city around me was holding me in before I could rush out and go back home, and the twilight fading into a dark city night promised me even more discovery before I made my last, shameful exit.
