Page 18 of Sorry, Not Sorry
‘No, I’m deadly serious. Yes, I know it’s been years, but the thing is, I’m trying to work on myself and be a kinder person. What I did to you back then definitely wasn’t kind, and I want to – well, make amends.’ She stomped her boots on the pavement and blew into her hands, but her breath was so chilled, it made no difference to her icy fingers.
Desmond thrust his hands into his jacket pockets and stared at the ground. ‘Okay, so why did you dump me, Del? I loved you and I really thought we had a future together.’
When he looked up, his expression was bleak, and she bit her lip and turned away. This was the difficult conversation she had disappeared to avoid having, and more than a decade later, she was as unprepared as she had been then. How could she hope to teach couples to improve their communication skills when she didn’t have the courage to communicate properly herself? What would she have advised her clients in this situation, she wondered, and the answer was clear. To tell the truth.
She turned back to face him. ‘I wasn’t ready,’ she admitted quietly. ‘You kept talking about us getting married and having kids – four of them, if I remember right. It – it felt like you had our whole future mapped out without my say-so, and… well, it terrified me.’
‘Then why didn’t you say something? Was I so hard to talk to that the only way out was to disappear?’ Desmond sounded so wounded that she wanted to shrivel up with shame.
‘No, you weren’t. That part was my fault! I was immature and didn’t know how to handle the… the pressure. How I ended things is all on me, and I should have done it better and… and told you the truth. But, Des, be honest,’ she added earnestly, ‘I did try to get you to slow down on all the planning, but you’d get into a strop or just keep telling me how much you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me!’
‘And was that such a crime?’ he asked in a low voice.
She shook her head. ‘Of course not. Like I said, it was wrong of me not to speak up about what was troubling me at the time instead of doing a runner.’
Desmond took a breath and blew the air from his cheeks loudly. ‘Fine, you’re sorry. So, now what?’
‘Nothing, really,’ Delilah said with a helpless shrug. ‘We’ve both moved on with our lives, but I wanted to tell you that none of what happened between you and me was your fault and that I’m truly sorry for what I did.’
He gazed at her intently while considering her words and then nodded. ‘Okay, then. Apology accepted.’
‘So you forgive me?’ she pressed, not wanting to leave any room for doubt.
‘Yeah, I forgive you. It’s in the past and done with. Besides, if you hadn’t left me, I’d never have met Mollie or had Damien, so yeah, we’re cool.’
She stifled the brief pang of hurt at being so casually dismissed by the man who had once called her the love of his life by reminding herself how ruthlessly she had dumped him. Karma really is a bitch.
13
The phone was answered with a high-pitched sneeze followed by a loud blowing of the nose, and Delilah grimaced. ‘You sound awful, Sal!’
‘I’m much better.’ Salome sniffed, her voice thick with congestion. ‘Arin’s got it even worse than me, poor lamb.’
After two days of caring for her sick children, Salome was also down with the flu, leaving Farhan as the only one in the house still standing. It was typical of Sal to downplay her own needs, Delilah thought with a wry smile. If her sister was at death’s door, she’d still insist someone else was worse off.
‘Do you need anything? Should I bring over some medicine or food or anything?’
Salome cleared her throat. ‘No need, hon, but thanks. Farhan’s bought enough drugs to stock a pharmacy. At least Maya’s back at nursery, thank God, and I’ll have a lie-down once Arin gets off to sleep.’
‘Where is Farhan?’ Delilah demanded. ‘You shouldn’t be dealing with everything on your own, especially when you’re not feeling great yourself.’
‘He’s been on video calls with his team most of today. They’ve got a new product launch next week and he’s under a lot of pressure. Don’t worry, I sound worse than I feel. How’d it go with Desmond?’
‘Mortifying. He was with his wife who probably thought I was some kind of psycho.’
‘Someone in your profession should know better than to use words that trivialise mental health,’ Salome said huskily, and Delilah scrunched her nose sheepishly at the rebuke.
‘Sorry,’ she said contritely. ‘It was just so embarrassing, and I felt like a complete idiot ambushing him in front of his family.’
‘So what happened? What did he say?’
‘Basically, even though I messed him up thirteen years ago, he’s now with the love of his life so he forgives me and everything’s cool between us.’
After a violent fit of coughing, Salome croaked, ‘Okay, so it’s one down and four to go. Who’s next?’
The half-empty car park in front of Kwame’s office wouldn’t have been Delilah’s choice of venue for a conversation, and particularly one as sensitive as she had planned. Unfortunately, as soon her ex-boyfriend saw her waiting on the sofa in his office reception, he had bundled her outside before giving her the chance to say more than hello.
Kwame was easily the best-looking man she’d dated, and during the course of their eight-month long relationship, Delilah had often wondered what it must feel like to be so beautiful. Ten years later, Kwame’s long-lashed caramel-brown eyes, high cheekbones, smooth chocolate skin and full sculpted lips were just as mesmerising. Unlike his expression, which could best have been described as livid, and for a second Delilah wondered how quickly she could get away.
