Page 40 of Sorry, Not Sorry
Arne stroked his beard thoughtfully. ‘That’s a very insightful observation. If we take the “I think you are at fault and you need to fix yourself” approach because we think someone is wrong, then we are of no use to our clients. What would have been a more effective approach in that situation?’
Feeling like a student being put to the test, Delilah massaged her temples and thought back to the training material she’d been re-reading. ‘I should have done more to build better rapport with Brian right from the start so he would trust me and see me as impartial. Then, instead of painting him as a bully, I could have asked questions that gave him a chance to articulate his fears about his wife suddenly changing the rules after decades of marriage.’
When Arne smiled, she grinned with relief. Even his tacit approval made her feel like she’d won the jackpot.
‘I suggest you reflect on this further, and we can discuss it in our next session. On a different note, how do you propose to heal the rift you mentioned with your sister?’
Arne’s unwelcome reminder of the dire state of relations with her family instantly crushed Delilah’s sense of elation. Christmas had come and gone with no word from Salome except a brusque ‘I’m not ready yet’ in response to Delilah’s text on New Year’s Day pleading for a chance to talk. As the days went by, Delilah was feeling increasingly hurt and sorry for herself. She had only confronted Farhan because she cared about Salome, and now she was being punished for doing what any loyal sister would have done.
‘Sal won’t even speak to me,’ Delilah muttered, not even trying to hide her resentment. ‘I can’t believe she’s treating me like this. We’ve never spent this time of year apart since – well, for ages. I made a mistake, but she won’t let it go! It’s either that or Farhan’s making her do it.’
‘You sound like you feel she has abandoned you when she appears to be dealing with her own needs. Even if her husband is part of the decision, it may be that he is trying to protect her while they tackle this challenge in their relationship.’
‘Protect her from me? Her own sister?’
‘Delilah, you have spoken to me of how heavily you leaned on your sister after the shared trauma of losing your parents. Is it hard to imagine her husband might want you to support your sister in the same way she has done for you? Perhaps if you can show him your readiness to minister to Salome’s needs as she does to yours, he will take a different view.’
She recognised the picture Arne painted of her big-hearted, generous sister, and there was no way Salome would have cut her out of her life unless Farhan was insisting on it. Her sister loved him, and he was counting on that to keep Delilah out of the picture. Delilah set her jaw stubbornly, ignoring the voice of reason in her head reminding her of the many ways Farhan had always loved and supported her, and focused instead on her own pain.
‘You talk about one mistake, Delilah. What do you believe was your one mistake?’ Arne asked.
‘I told you. I should have kept my mouth shut about what Sal said about wanting to go back to work and feeling like she was in a rut at home. She did play it down afterwards, and I should have let it go. But I held up my hands to that and apologised to Farhan right in front of her! Besides, it’s not as if she hasn’t mentioned going back to work before, so it shouldn’t have come as a massive shock to him.’
‘Hmmm. I hear you saying you are sorry and yet I also hear you justifying what you are apologising for. Are you sorry?’
Delilah looked at Arne in exasperation. ‘Of course I am! All I’m saying is that Farhan shouldn’t be forcing Sal to stay at home if – oh!’ She broke off and covered her hand with her mouth, her eyes wide with horror as her words struck home.
‘Oh my God! I’m doing it again, aren’t I?’ she whispered. ‘I’m doing it again. I’m judging my own brother-in-law just like I was judging Brian!’
Arne stroked his beard, and his silence confirmed what Delilah already knew. He glanced up at the clock. ‘Our time is almost up, but I notice you haven’t mentioned Noah.’
Delilah shook her head, shell-shocked from the barrage of truth missiles that had struck her during the session. It would be far too humiliating to admit now that Arne’s reservations about her impartiality when it came to helping Noah and Zazie had been fully warranted. In any case, she still couldn’t back out of her ex-boyfriend’s absurd plan while she needed Noah’s forgiveness to complete the challenge which might change Polly’s mind.
‘Nothing to report on that front,’ she said quickly. Before Arne could probe further, Delilah jumped to her feet and picked up her handbag. ‘Same time next week?’
27
Lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, Delilah felt like a prisoner. Two days of heavy rain had kept her trapped indoors and restricted from the long walks she had started taking to get out of her flat and out of her own head. She hadn’t heard from Noah since his spat with Zazie in the café and she wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed at the silence or relieved to be spared further involvement in his love life. Without a job to distract her from the monotony that had become her life, the ongoing separation from Salome was ratcheting up Delilah’s levels of anxiety, and even the long chat earlier that morning with Armenique hadn’t managed to ease Delilah’s frustration or motivate her to get out of bed.
Just as she was contemplating ringing Polly and begging her to reconsider, her phone rang. Sending up a silent prayer that it was Salome calling to make up, Delilah picked it up and frowned at the unknown number on the screen. Curiosity overcame her instinct to cut the call, and she tapped the green icon.
‘Hello?’ she asked cautiously.
‘Delilah?’
It took a minute for the voice to register.
‘Zazie?’ Caught off-guard, Delilah scrambled upright, her guilty conscience immediately sending her into a panic that Noah had told Zazie the truth about her.
‘Yeah. You all right? I got your number from Noah. Look, I know you’re probably really busy with work and I’m sorry to drag you out in such crap weather, but is there any chance you can meet me today?’
Zazie didn’t sound like someone ready to murder her for lying about her past relationship with her man, and Delilah slowly released her breath and leaned back against the headboard. She cleared her throat and gave it a few seconds while she consulted her empty calendar.
‘I might be able to make some time this afternoon. Where are you?’
‘I’m in the middle of a fashion shoot, but it looks like I’ll be stuck here all day cos we can’t do the outdoor shots until this sodding rain stops. Listen, I really need to talk to you. If I text you the address, can you come over as soon as you’re free?’
The large building with peeling blue paint on the edge of an industrial park didn’t look like an obvious venue for a fashion shoot, was Delilah’s first thought while carefully picking her way up a path of cracked paving stones. But then, what she knew about the fashion industry wouldn’t fill the back of a postage stamp.
