Page 52 of Sorry, Not Sorry
Noah looked at her in disbelief. ‘Del, you know better than anyone on this planet how much I want children. Why would you keep something like that from me? Was I so awful to you? Do you hate me that much?’
‘Of course I don’t hate you!’ she burst out heatedly. ‘If you really want to know, the main reason I couldn’t tell you was because I didn’t want you to hate me!’
Noah’s eyes narrowed and he took a step towards her. ‘Why would I hate you for telling me the truth about something so important?’
Delilah could feel her heart pounding, and she turned away before her face betrayed her feelings. It was hard enough listening to him accuse her of letting him down without further humiliating herself when he had made it abundantly clear he was over her. Zazie had lied to him, but that didn’t change the fact she was the girl Noah had chosen, and Delilah couldn’t bear his pity if he knew she still had feelings for him.
Noah closed the gap between them and turned her back to face him. ‘Answer me, Delilah. Why would I hate you?’
‘B-because you’re h-happy and in love and I – I didn’t want to be the one who ruined that for you,’ she stammered. She tried avoiding Noah’s eyes, but he cupped her face with warm fingers, making it impossible not to meet his gaze.
‘I was scared—’ She broke off, biting her lip hard to stop the words bursting to escape before she said too much.
‘Scared of what?’
‘That – that you might think I was trying to break you and Zazie up.’
He moved his hand away and looked at her curiously. ‘Why? Because I got carried away and kissed you that time in the park?’
This was torture. Delilah stared at the floor and pressed her lips together so tightly her mouth ached. Then, it was as if a lightbulb suddenly lit up in her mind, and she sighed. It was pointless staying silent to protect herself when she was hurting anyway. She looked up and met Noah’s gaze head on.
‘Maybe you got carried away that day in the park, but I didn’t. I wasn’t confused or on some nostalgia trip. I wanted you to kiss me. To be honest, I just wanted you, full-stop.’
He didn’t move as his eyes studied hers intently. ‘What exactly are you saying, Del?’
‘I just said it,’ she muttered. ‘I want you.’
‘Want me as in…?’
She closed her eyes in sheer frustration. ‘Please don’t make me say it!’
For a moment there was silence and then a tiny smile played on his lips. ‘I’m really sorry, but I think I’m going to need you to say it,’ he said softly.
‘I still have feelings for you.’ The words tumbled out before she could stop herself. ‘I was scared if I told you Zazie was lying to you – well, you’d think I was being pathetic and jealous, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you hating me.’
Noah shook his head. ‘I could never hate you, Del.’
‘Now, that’s hard to believe!’ she scoffed. ‘From the first day I arrived at your flat to ask your forgiveness, you’ve given a fantastic impression of someone who thinks I’m the worst person on the planet. You actually forced me to help you keep your girlfriend, remember? How did you think that was going to make me feel?’
Noah tugged on his earlobe with a wry smile. ‘You make a good point, but I’ve already apologised for that. Listen, I know I shouldn’t have pressured you to help me with Zazie and I’m sorry for putting you in that position. As for that first day at my flat… well, frankly, I was furious when you showed up asking for forgiveness without acknowledging how much you’d hurt me or even explaining why you did it.’
She nodded slowly, and then a thought struck her. ‘Have you spoken to Zazie yet?’
‘Yep. It was the first thing I did after Salome called me.’
Oh God! Delilah groaned silently. As far as she knew, she was the only one Zazie had told about not wanting children, and she was bound to blame Delilah.
‘Did you tell her it was me who spilled the beans?’
‘No, of course not. I went to see her and asked her point blank how she felt about us having kids if we were to get married. To her credit, she pretty much admitted right away that she didn’t want them.’
‘Sooo…?’ Delilah held her breath.
‘So, it’s over between us. Obviously.’
‘I’m sorry, Noah,’ she said sincerely, a wave of compassion for him sweeping aside her own feelings. ‘You love Zazie, and none of this must have been easy. I should have told you but?—’
‘—but I would have hated you. Yeah, you said.’
