Page 11 of Sorry, Not Sorry
Polly observed her and then said softly, ‘You aren’t a mother hen taking ownership of people’s issues, Del. If you go down that path, you will crumble under the weight of other people’s problems. It’s critical in our work to have empathy, and I know that makes it tempting to take on our clients’ burdens, but it’s not the best way to help them. We absolutely must set boundaries if we’re to have any hope of managing our emotions.’
Polly paused and Delilah’s stomach immediately started to churn. Oh my God, this is it! Her supervisor clearly thought she was hopeless and now she was going to be fired from the only job she had ever loved. She swallowed hard and tried to find her words. ‘I admit I haven’t been great at keeping up with the group sessions and I should have told you ages ago that the therapist and I didn’t click. But I promise that going forward, I’ll do anything to make up for it. I’ll – I’ll go to every single supervision session… I really care about my clients, Polly. I know I can make a difference, so please – please give me the chance.’
‘Delilah, you’re a lovely team member and always ready to go the extra mile, but you’ve got to admit you can’t carry on like this.’
‘I know…’ Delilah tailed off dejectedly.
‘You have the highest number of clients leaving the programme out of all the trainee counsellors on the course, and at the end of the day, our organisation has targets to meet. You must understand that I can’t afford to let this continue.’
And here it comes. All the hours of studying and cramming for the exams, all the time she’d put into helping her clients – none of it counted. As far as Polly was concerned, Delilah had failed to take the programme and her training seriously, and now she was out. Lost in a fog of self-recrimination, it took her a moment to realise Polly was still speaking.
‘Before you completely derail all the work you’ve put into the course, I’m recommending a period of suspension from the programme. I believe you need to take some time to consider your readiness to counsel others. I want to offer you the time to reflect on how much of your personal relationship baggage you’re bringing to your work, because if you can’t admit your own challenges, then you certainly can’t help others.’
Delilah stared, gobsmacked. She had absolutely no issues with her past relationships! In truth, she rarely gave the men she’d dated a second thought, so how could they possibly be a problem?
Polly raised a hand as if to forestall any protest. ‘As professionals, we have to do the inner work that stops our personal experiences impacting our clients. I want you to re-engage with therapy to help you through this period of reflection. It will give you the opportunity to understand what’s going on for you so you can ask for whatever help you need.’
Polly leaned forward, looking earnest. ‘I believe in you, Delilah, and I want you to succeed. I’m referring you to Arne Bergen. He’s one of the best therapists I know, and he has agreed to work with you.’
‘What? I mean… pardon?’ Delilah couldn’t disguise her horror. ‘But I’ve already done therapy, Polly. I’m fine!’
‘I wouldn’t be doing my job as your supervisor if I didn’t encourage you to take time out and use the support systems we have in place. Arne is brilliant at helping his clients see their patterns of behaviour, explore their places of discomfort and draw on those insights to benefit their clients. We all have issues, Delilah, and I want you to use the time I’m giving you and the support on offer to reflect on your life and relationships.’
‘Seriously, Polly, why don’t you just kill me now?’ Delilah’s voice rose into a wail. What fresh hell was this? For God’s sake, all I’m trying to do is help people! Her relief on learning she hadn’t been fired was draining away in the face of Polly’s ultimatum.
But despite Polly’s sympathetic tone, the steely glint in her eye made it clear she wasn’t budging. ‘Trust me, I don’t enjoy doing this, but if you’re not prepared to go through all the remedial steps I’ve just outlined, I’m going to have to let you go. If you’re willing to do the work, then I can consider bringing you back.’
‘And how long exactly am I suspended for?’ Delilah asked, annoyed by the whimper in her voice that made her sound like a sulky teenager being sent to detention.
‘It’s not a punishment, Del. Work with Arne, and when he thinks you’re ready to resume counselling clients, he’ll sign you off and you can come back.’
7
‘You can’t be serious! She actually said that?’ Salome’s eyes were wide with disbelief.
‘You heard me.’ Delilah glared moodily at the screen of the TV Salome had put on mute, barely registering the panel of animated women who seemed to be furiously talking over each other. After leaving Polly’s office, too upset to stop and update Armenique, Delilah had picked up her bag from her desk and fled the building to find refuge in Salome’s house. Maya was at nursery and safely out of earshot, and Farhan was using his lunch break to take Arin to the park.
‘So, wait, are you fired or not?’ her sister demanded.
‘If keeping my job means going back into therapy, then I guess I’m fired,’ Delilah said with a bitter laugh. In frustration, she kicked her heel against the sofa, wincing as a dart of pain shot through her foot.
‘Oh come on, Del, you love your job!’ Salome shifted on the couch to face her. ‘What’s going on, sis?’ Her voice switched to the sympathetic, concerned tone Delilah hated. Even more so when it came with sad eyes and a furrowed brow.
‘Can you stop looking at me like I’m a sick puppy you’ve rescued from the side of a motorway!’ Delilah snapped. ‘I’ll be fine. I’ve started over before and I can do it again.’
Salome hesitated, and then said, ‘Well, you’re not going to like this, but I think Polly has a point.’
‘Seriously, Sal? Whose side are you on here?’
‘Yours. Always,’ Salome retorted, unmoved by Delilah’s outrage. ‘Which is why I think you need to take this seriously. You’ve worked so hard for this, and you can’t just treat it like… like a bad date and walk out. I know it’s a shock, but Polly gave you feedback to help you improve and you need to take it on board.’
‘Look, I’m not saying I’ve been perfect at my job, but I do care about my clients, and I try everything to support them. Just because a couple of them haven’t worked out—’ Delilah shook her head and held up her palms in exasperation. ‘For God’s sake, Sal, it’s not like every single couple is destined to stay together!’
‘True,’ Salome acknowledged. ‘But isn’t the whole point of relationship counselling to fix people’s problems?’
‘No, it isn’t!’ Delilah said heatedly. ‘It’s to get people to a place of honesty with each other and if that means they discover they’re not compatible, then they shouldn’t be forced – by me or by anyone – to feel like they have to stick with their situation!’
‘Fair enough, but you’ve also said truth can be distorted by emotions, so shouldn’t you be helping these couples challenge what they think is true?’
