Page 38 of Sorry, Not Sorry
‘Then maybe give it some time, like she asked. Let everyone have some space to cool down and then call Farhan and ask if he’s okay with you coming over to apologise.’
‘He’s probably the one keeping her away from me in the first place,’ Delilah remarked bitterly, knowing the accusation wasn’t true even as she said it.
‘Well, you did put yourself in between him and his wife,’ Remi pointed out. ‘I know Salome’s important to you, but she’s married and has her own family to protect. Don’t blow things out of proportion. As I remember it, you and Farhan have a great relationship, so tell him you understand why he’s annoyed with you, and you are really sorry.’
Delilah exhaled in frustration. ‘God, all I seem to do in my life is apologise!’
Remi raised an eyebrow, and she shook her head. She had already said far more than she’d intended. ‘You’re right. I’m just being defensive, but it’s been so hard not seeing Sal.’
‘I’ll bet she’s missed you as well, but it sounds like she’s caught in the middle, so do the right thing with her husband and I’m sure it’ll all work out.’
Delilah wrinkled her nose at him and then smiled wryly. ‘It’s sweet of you to say that, especially after the way I screwed things up with us.’
Remi shrugged. ‘Life isn’t predictable, and things don’t always go the way we’d like. It hurt like hell when you finished with me, but I guess if we were never going to work, it’s probably better we didn’t drag it out and make things worse. Look, Del, I want you to be happy and if it’s forgiveness you need from me, then you’ve got it.’
Delilah felt deeply humbled by Remi’s kindness. ‘That’s really generous of you,’ she murmured.
He released her hand and gave her an exaggerated wink as he reached for his glass. ‘See what you passed up? A sweet, generous guy with great muscles!’
She laughed and their eyes locked, and, for just a second, Delilah felt a pang of regret. Remi had always been caring and considerate and had left her in no doubt that he adored her. But she had learned enough about herself over the past weeks to know it was that very intensity she had run away from. She was only grateful that, despite everything, Remi refused to hold a grudge.
‘Maybe we can be friends,’ she suggested hesitantly, although as soon as she’d spoken, she knew friendship wasn’t what either of them wanted. Remi’s ‘Yeah, maybe’ response sounded equally unconvinced.
An Afrobeats song started to play, and a loud cheer immediately went up in the restaurant. The song was clearly popular, and the waiter grinned and cranked up the volume so loudly Delilah felt their table vibrate. The party atmosphere made any serious conversation impossible, and she and Remi exchanged wry smiles. Delilah raised her glass and after the briefest hesitation, Remi picked his up and clinked it lightly.
‘Thanks for coming out tonight,’ he said, raising his voice to be heard above the music. ‘It’s been fantastic to see you.’
Putting her glass down, Delilah tilted her head and flashed a cheeky grin. ‘Would it be really bad to order another side of fried plantain?’
26
Christmas was over, much to Delilah’s relief, and she could breathe again. Staying safely cocooned in her flat watching action movies on Netflix during the chilly winter days and nights and taking the occasional walk through the nearby parks had got her through a time of year she had long struggled with. But without Salome and her family, Christmas Day had felt bleaker than ever. Not even downing an entire bottle of wine and eating her way through a huge Chinese takeaway had numbed the pain of being separated from the people she loved.
Today was their first meeting after Arne’s Christmas and New Year break, and Delilah was pleasantly surprised to realise quite how much she had missed their sessions. Taking the steaming mug of coffee Arne had prepared, she cradled it for a few moments to warm up her cold fingers before setting it down and easing off her trainers. She tucked her legs under her, feeling relaxed and marvelling at how far her dread of therapy had receded. While Arne continued to challenge her, for the most part he seemed content to let her push the boundaries of their conversations at her own pace. Rather than worrying about being blindsided or caught out, Delilah now found herself wanting to share thoughts she had never admitted to anyone, including herself.
‘You’re looking well, Arne. Did you have a good Christmas?’ She picked up her mug and settled back in the armchair.
Arne crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. He wore a brushed cotton shirt with blue checks she hadn’t seen before and which he’d tucked into his uniform brown cords. Despite having had a trim, his mop of curly red hair still gave the impression of growing in several different directions at once.
‘I did, thank you,’ he replied genially. ‘It was very cold, but I enjoyed visiting my hometown and spending as much time outdoors as possible. And you?’
‘It was great, if you don’t count falling out with my sister and her husband just before the holidays,’ Delilah sighed.
Arne looked taken aback. ‘Is the disagreement serious?’
When Delilah made a non-committal noise and took a sip of coffee, he didn’t push it, instead picking up a lined notepad by his side and skimming through its handwritten pages.
‘From my notes, I see it’s close to two months since we started working together,’ he announced.
‘Makes sense. I haven’t been at work since the beginning of November, so…’ Delilah shrugged, as if she wasn’t painfully aware of every week that had passed since Polly’s edict. Waking up each day with no job to go to had been tougher than Delilah could have imagined. She was lucky to still receive her salary, but her small flat had never been so tidy, and she was running out of ways to fill the endless empty days. Taking a trip somewhere just to break the monotony was out of the question as she was required to show up for her weekly sessions with Arne – not to mention the task she’d signed up for with Noah, she thought glumly.
‘How are things progressing with your apology tour?’
Not for the first time, Delilah wondered if Arne could read minds, and she took a few sips of coffee while considering the question. She thought back to the evening she’d spent with Remi and the unconditional forgiveness he had freely offered. They had stayed in the restaurant enjoying the music and working their way through two more portions of fried plantain before eventually going their separate ways, and that night, for the first time since taking on Salome’s challenge, Delilah had felt a sense of peace.
Sigmund miaowed loudly as he slunk past Delilah to leap up into the empty armchair beside her, and she forced her mind back to Arne’s question.
‘I guess I’ve finished now – well, almost,’ she corrected herself as she remembered the very much unfinished business she still had with Noah. ‘I met up with the final person on the list while you were away, and it went really well.’
