Page 87 of Blind Devotion
I get it now. We were an illusion I pretended was real to shelter myself from the life my father’s world imposed on me. I should have seen that you and I were just pieces on a board being played around. Everything about us was shaped by our parents. I was just an obligation you were forced into. Well, I don’t want it. I don’t want you.
You’ve broken the one promise you always swore to me. So take back your lion. You’re not him to me anymore. I don’t think you ever were.
Remember your motto: “Ne fais pas aux autres ce que tu ne voudrais pas qu’on te fasse.” Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to yourself. You couldn’t even live by that.
These are the last tears you’ll ever get from me. I hope you’re happy I’m over you. I won’t make the same mistake again.
Cordially,
Persetta
Chapter 34
Five Years Ago
Moonlightlitupthewater. The warm beachy air twirled through my hair as Adrien and I strolled through the sand, my sandals in one hand, my other itching to hold his like we were more than friends. He never had before, but I was going to make sure that changed tonight. Maybe I’d even get him to press a kiss atop our joined hands.
“What did you wish for?” Adrien asked.
I smiled at him. We asked each other that every year, after we blew out our birthday candles, whether we celebrated together or not. Fifteen years of wishes in my life, and this one was the most significant yet.
“I wished that you’d kiss me. I want you to be my first kiss.”
I had chickened out last year and never asked, but I wanted him to see that I was growing up, that I was old enough for this, for him. I’d kept myself for him, virgin lips and all. None of the boys at school held my interest. Only him.
Adrien and I were the best of friends, but I wanted more, so much more than that. I wanted him to see me as more than just an obligation to marry when I came of age. I wanted to be beguiling and sexy like those women in the magazines I’d found in his bedroom last year.
He stopped walking. “Persy.”
“For my birthday.” He couldn’t deny a birthday wish. It was one of our rules.
“Persy, you’re still a kid.” My heart broke a little. “You can’t ask this of me.”
My lower lip wobbled. “We swore.”
Back when I was eight and he was thirteen, but we’d never failed the birthday wish pact before.
He tossed his head back and grunted low and long. When he looked back down at me, he seemed to have decided something.
“Come on.”
He held out his hand, and I grabbed it giddily. It wasn’t quite the handholding I wanted, but I loved knowing I was the only one he let touch him easily. He led me up shore, kicking up sand at weird intervals. Finally, he picked up a thin stick. With a flick of his finger, his lighter clicked on, and soon the tip of the stick smoked from a fast-burning flame. He shoved it in front of my face.
“Blow. Make a new wish.”
I drew back from him, confused and hurt. “No. I already made one. That’s the one I want.”
“You’re not getting that. Make another wish.”
“No. It’s a really easy wish. You’re going to be kissing me a ton in three years anyway. I’m just asking for one. Do you not…do you not want me that way?”
“Do you hear yourself? Of course I don’t. I’m a grown man.” He tugged at his hair. “You think this is what I want?”
“I’m going to be your wife.”
He tossed the burning stick to the sand, and its flame went out.
“I’m not a plaything for you, Persy. Grow the fuck up.”
